9.52pm.
My No.1: ‘Nightporter’ – Japan
Another
one of THOSE days. Before I go into
that, though, I’d like to generalise a bit.
FLASH hasn’t written to me yet, but this time I don’t mind. He’s my greatest mate. I can wait.
Not to worry. I’ll be off to his
on the weekend after this! Celebrate his
birthday ‘n’ stuff like that. Great!
Hopefully he’ll help me write a load of cack for the ‘Rag Revue’. PLEASE, FLASH!!! Can’t wait to see him, though.
JENNY. Been reading some of the
letters that zoomed between her ‘n’ Sarah
last year. Sad really, looking
back. Hmph! I mean Jenny fancied me for ages before we
actually ‘went out’ together. She was
virtually obsessed. Dead jealous of Alison.
And all the time we were together last year, I was constantly paranoid,
depressed and worrying about us lasting.
These letters show that it COULD have worked but for my shitness. Strange life.
Hey-Ho! Wish me well, etc.
‘Desire’
– Gene Loves Jezebel
I
have to listen to this. It’s probably
applicable to lately. Dunno.
Today…
Oh,
today…
Oh
god. It’s late (well, actually it’s not,
but I’m nazzed and it feels late) and I can’t be arsed to write, BUT I’ve got
to.
I
was in the same frame of mind this morning as last night. But I felt happier with it. In the morning, I gave Justine the letter and she went to her lesson.
‘Peggy
Sue’ – Buddy Holly
Luggage and I sat and chatted. He told me he fancies this gurlie called Anastasia, but she fancies Roger.
Chatting to Luggage, I found out that he fancies Justine again. And he also told me that Woody does – and wants to get off with her at the Gondoliers/Fates gig tomorrow nite.
I
also discovered that those gurls who wrote to Roger a bit back have a locker
next to ours, so we wrote messages on the locker doors whenever we got the
chance thru’-out the day.
At
break, I chatted to Blondie and she
convinced me to go to tomorrow’s gig.
I’ve got a ticket already ‘n’ stuff, but nowhere to stay. She REALLY wants me to go. STWANGE!
‘I
Am A Product’ – Alien Sex Fiend
Eventually,
I saw Justine who was well deep in conference with Luggage, and she handed me a
letter before leaving.
It
was nicely done – most of it written with bits of words from newspaper
headlines, like a blackmailer’s note! I
was impressed at the effort it must’ve taken to find the right words. It basically said she still feels pain at our
split and that if we don’t get back together her heart will be broken. She says she really does love me and misses
my touch. She had been reluctant to
finish with me and now her desire for us to be back together is strong. But there is a problem. If we get back together, this ‘traumatic
experience’ won’t be easily forgotten, even though her friends – including Suz – think we should. What happened with Jenny made Justine feel
uncertain about our future. Now I’ve
explained what was happening, she realises that she doesn’t hate Jenny, just
resented her. She tells me she needs me,
wants me, and thinks we are good together.
She has faith in a new relationship with me. She even says she’s sorry and that she loves me. She wonders why it happened, feels only
misery away from me, and wants me to help make things better. She also suggests that this is our last
chance.
‘Cow’
– Gene Loves Jezebel
A grumpy
goth head…
So. I had to sort my mind out. Ask her out?
Forget it? Millions of arguments,
for and against, rolled around in my mind.
I was just on the brink of a ‘yes’, a positive decision, when Luggage
arrived, read the letter, and told me that it totally conflicted with all he
had seen and heard. I asked him to
confront her about it for me. So he
did. He, Justine, Roger and THAT Suz
went to KL. Whilst I sat around dreaming, Woody came
along! In PVC trousers! GREAT!
We chatted lazily, and went into KL for a coffee in Kingsburger. Who should we see there, but SARAH GEORGE! SHACK!
HERREUR! I told her the latest
developments and asked her to ring me tonight.
And she ain’t yet. Tut! S’pose I’ll see her ‘n’ Jenny in Drama
tomorrow anyway. Y’puff!
‘Wipe
Out’ – The Fat Boys
Trendy
guy!
Hey-Ho!
Returning
to Tech for break, I met Justine and
we went to the Resource Based Learning
Centre to talk. We didn’t get very
far for a long time, and in talking, I fully realised that I wanted to go back
out with her. No more indecision. But she couldn’t take that. She has been told by lots of people to get
back with me, and lots of others have told her to start afresh. She was more
confused than ever. Probably coz we had
just discussed all the good points ‘n’ the bad points (Jenny, Graham, etc). Now, not only is Graham well in love with
her, so is Kevin, and Luggage – and even some kid called Jason. And they’ve all been
worried that I’ll pan ‘em one.
GOOD!!!
All
day, Graham had been broadcasting his feelings for her. He even went to drown his sorrows in the
pub. Oh yeah, he’s relieved that I’m not
gonna bray him. Justine said it wouldn’t
have solved anything anyway. But, by
God, it’d have felt good at the time.
Stupid thoughts, really.
‘Crockett’s
Theme’ – Jan Hammer
TREN-DEEE!
Then
came the questions. Like, what would
happen to us both if we didn’t get back together? Justine said she wouldn’t go after anyone
straight away, but she knows which one of her admirers she would go after. She wouldn’t tell me who. But I’ve got an idea.
So
I asked her what the point of us getting back together would be if she fancied
one of THEM. A lot. She said the point would be that she hasn’t
shared those SPECIAL feelings with any of the others. She’s never felt so good about any of the
others. She feels Woody would use
her. She never felt so good about
Graham. But Jason’s all new to her. She never mentioned Luggage. As for Woody, apparently she’s meeting him in
King’s Lynn on Saturday for a piss-up.
SEETHE!
‘What’s
Your Problem?’ – Blancmange
She
asked me who I would ‘go after’ if we were totally finished. I told her.
‘NOT Jenny.’ This is due to the
fact that we are hardly suited. Or so I
felt last year. But now Justine mentions
it, I’m just as badly suited to Justine as I am Jenny.
Justine
just got more confused. I asked her back
three times. She said she’d have to
think about it overnight. But I told her
not to say ‘YES’ to me just coz I want her to.
She must do what she feels is right.
I won’t mind. I’ll respect
that. I told her. BUT she told me she doesn’t know what is
right.
‘I
Second That Emotion’ – Japan
Justine
reckons that before I ask her out again, I should to talk it over with Jenny. The conversation had to more or less end
there. We had hardly achieved
anything. We both felt a little better,
I think, but it was time to go home.
As
for Roger, he’s still got an EYE FOR THE LADIES, y’know. He told me to go ‘n’ tell Blondie he’s
obsessed with her. She too likes
him. But he could never seriously think
about it unless he finished with Suz.
See? I’m not the only so-called
‘bastard’.
‘R.I.P.’
– Alien Sex Fiend
Nyall
rang tonite. He’s off to the gig. And I’m staying at his, or we’re kipping in
the park, or something. He’s off to
Norwich on Saturday. I hope I can
go. MONEY PROBS AHOY! Nyall has become a good shoulder to lean on,
and even though we still bitch about each other behind each other’s back, we
have become really good friends.
‘Come
And Buy My Toys’ – David Bowie
As
for Justine, I refuse to comment further.
I don’t want to say things I’ll regret or feel stupid or shit about in
the future, okay? Oh, I know she spoke
to Graham + Luggage after she left me.
‘I
don’t really Know what
i
WANT…’
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Next time: ‘A gig…’
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