25 Years Too Late...

25 Years Too Late...

Wednesday, 31 December 1986

The 1980 Kicks Show

NEW YEAR’S EVE!

THE LAST DAY OF ’86!

‘Moss Garden’ – David Bowie



MY TOP ALBUMS IN 1986

Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – The Beatles



The Beatles – The Beatles


Never For Ever – Kate Bush


Beauty Stab – ABC


Chimera – Bill Nelson


The Hounds of Love/The Ninth Wave – Kate Bush


Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence – Ryuichi Sakamoto

Machine Age Voodoo – SPK


Hunky Dory – David Bowie


Standing On a Beach – The Cure


Mask – Bauhaus


Low – David Bowie


Aladdin Sane – David Bowie


Flaunt It – Sigue Sigue Sputnik


Hatful Of Hollow – The Smiths


The World of David Bowie – David Bowie


The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars – David Bowie


Diamond Dogs – Bowie


God’s Own Medicine – The Mission


Gone To Earth – David Sylvian


Ziggy Stardust: The Motion Picture – David Bowie




Later:

It’s about 6.15pm



We went to Leeds today, did Dodo + Flash + Matthew and me.  I bought some tight black jeans + a sleeveless grey, green and red Jesus and Mary Chain t-shirt (the first one of that type to be sold in Leeds – ever!).





BLOODY GOOD!



Anyway, Dodo + her little cousin went back to Lincoln (where Dodo moved up from) tonaight, and Flash and I are about to begin our next SITUATION tape…



Later:



The evening progressed and we completed our tape.



The time was accomplished…



That’s it.  The end.  1980 Kicks died.  All over.  No more.  No more of the stuff…



BMWAstraHazel… Flash… Dodo… SophieCheggersPhoebeStanMelbaAlisonJenNickyAngieWetlandsthe ‘Summer’ ‘Holiday’… Love…



I’m sorry to end the year in a fast, frivolous way, but the last few days have said what I really wanted to say.  I hope so, anyway…



At the moment, I feel happy/sad, y’know… usual sort of thing… My year has been long and hectic and I’m glad to finish it off at Flash’s…



happy new year to my loved ones… what does it hold in store?  The Day of Reckoning?  A newer Winterfood?  We’ll see!



Later:

Afterword by Alison Ford



[or A LOAD OF JEFF! – Ritcherd 1987]



[definitely A LOAD OF JEFF! – Ritcherd 1988]



[or, perhaps, The Truth…  – Ritcherd 1991!]



[…yes, Maybe… – Ritcherd 1992]



[My god… full circle… – Ritcherd 1996]



[Firstly, the diary is very interesting and, to me, mainly emphasises a lot of what I already know, like: you are confused, mixed-up, not knowing what you really want, etc.  But I won’t go on about that, because you don’t need me to tell you.



What I will say is that I compliment you on your loyalty to Flash + his girlfriend.  I mean, you are able to be really happy for them whilst at the same time being jealous as hell because, I think, secretly, or perhaps openly, you want Flash all to yourself.  He seems to be the only person you can possibly get really close to, which, in a way, is a pity because you seem to have so much love to give to your friends + family but seem unable to show this.  I blame it on your obsession with music to some extent, but I may be biased (and I am not being sarcastic).  What I mean is, that when you get really mad + frustrated you feel alone because Flash is not there and so you turn to music, which does not help you much as you play depressing music to suit your mood.  Why not turn to your mother?  Or Jenny?  Or any friend?  I mean, it’s not as if you are short of friends, is it?



However, perhaps I have got it wrong; music may help you but I find it very difficult to comprehend how doting on particular music/bands/people/etc can solely help.  It just seems to make you wish you were like them, i.e. rich + famous??  But again, I’ve probably got it all wrong.



Basically, your diary consists of Flash, music and girls, which are all connected with love.  This suggests you have feelings, etc, inside you that you can’t seem to let go of.  Are you scared?  If so, what of?  Rejection?  I promise you, you won’t be rejected if you only let go of yourself.  What you seem to do is only let people know half of what you are thinking, leaving the rest for them to guess at, which is frustrating.  I am judging from my own experience, e.g. my infamous lectures about your moods.  I am sorry about that, etc, but if you had attempted to explain yourself, I wouldn’t have gone on so!  It might be only me that thinks this, so don’t take too much notice of it, okay?



I have probably read the diary from the completely wrong angle + my interpretations and quick + brief analysis are probably completely wrong, but there you go.



My main advice (I flatter myself – why the bloody hell should you want my advice anyway?), is to just try and be yourself and take each day as it comes, without trying to plan what and how you intend to be like during 1987.  You are a great person, with an intelligent and interesting mind, so why plan to make yourself different?



By the way, you will be pleased to know that I am no longer madly + passionately in love with you + stuff like that.  I am just pleased that we are friends, and there will always be a part of me reserved for you.  By the way, why did you let me read your diary?  I’m flattered!



Well, I’m going to bed now.



Cheerio,



Lots of love



Alison Ford, 1987 x]









[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context.  Never forget: no man is an island.  If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July  2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]



NEXT TIME: ‘1987…’

Tuesday, 30 December 1986

Nostalgia at Year's End

‘See Emily Play’ – David Bowie



Ritcherd


I’ve got great cheekbones and pouty lips, but my nose is too big and blotchy.  I should shave more, because this fluffy stubble just makes me look scruffy.  My eyes look sad…

Mushroom clouds burst from the cracked Earth…

Nemesis the Warlock snorts, steamily, in satisfaction…

PISSS

Six versions of Berwin Groomstool, travelled back from the far future of maybe even 1988, cackle and laugh at me.  One is long-headed and fat-chinned, his nose less prominent than the others.  Another is just a flimsy silhouette, a ghost, but at least he’s wearing the yrademark pork-pie hat.  Another wears something much more cowboy in style, but his eyes are dark and scary, his nose strong and phallic.  His mate flicks a pointy tongue through the usual jags and barbs of teeth, but he wears round blue-lensed shades and a Clint Eastwood-style hat.  His hair is longer than usual, straight and magnificent.  He is by far the coolest, meanest Berwin here.  Of the last two, one is also trying the cowboy thing, but his hat is taller and less flattering.  His nose curls to a point and his chin juts beautifully below it – but unlike all the Berwins I’ve seen so far, he has no stubble.  Spots, yes, stubble, no.  The final Berwin looks like an idiot.  This is Berwin when no one’s looking.

the

Smiths



Dodo

SMiths

R

        sHiT


Pointy nosed and pointy eared men, like punk rock pixies with high hairlines and backcombed ghosts of hair and ear-rings, whistle and spit…

Blue-nailed talons…


Britain’s No.1: ‘Reet Petite’Jackie Wilson



Later:


‘Blackout’ – David Bowie



My hair was ultra-shit today, due to yesterday’s rain…


Flash and I were more or less ready to go out at about 11.45am, and we set off for the house of Dodo.  When we arrived, Dodo had make-up on.  Flash told me – and I didn’t know if it was just in fun – that she had put make-up on because she fancies me.  He told me she never puts make-up on for him…


Alas, she won’t be able to make it to Flash’s New Year’s Eve Bash / get-together, as she is going to celebrate with family in Lincoln. Flash was upset, and became thoroughly depressed by the fact, which sent me into a slight depression for no particular reason at all: save the reminder of what awaits me at home and whether I can face it or not…


So…  Dodo won’t be there tomorrow night.  Just Flash and me.  Poor Flash…
As the day progressed, we ended up in a cafĂ© in Pontefract, and I told Dodo she should try and take Flash out of his depression.  And she did.  And their young love was nice to see, but I felt increasingly left out and depressed.  I felt that I was missing out somewhere.  They seemed to have everything worked out, and the future’s bound to be good for ‘em… but mine’ll be a mess…


‘V2-Schneider’ – David Bowie

Anyway, I suggested a visit to the ruins of the castle, for no particular reason.  Nostalgia?

Paul used to take Jack and me there on the Sundays he was allowed to see us.  I went there with Manda Jones, too, funnily enough.  Anyway, we wandered around the ruins, and I found a rocky outcrop, or perhaps an ancient wall, and sat alone to look out over a great portion of Pontefract.
I sat and considered my life, looking out at where my little world began, somewhere in the direction of Western Avenue.  I remembered a time when I lived with my father.  Memories of beards and hair and sideboards; Yellow Submarine characters painted on my bedroom wall; a toast rack for a Viking longboat; a painting of a blue steam train; a girl who used to take me out in my push-chair; her father’s bath full of live maggots, bright orange; a Red Indian painting set; socks and sandals; a time when I was happy and nothing mattered; before the flying objects impacting into walls; plant-pots exploding their soil across the hall as my mother and father fell apart…
Then I saw Dodo and Flash kissing and in love.  And all the hope I ever had for my own future dissipated as I realised that I simply don’t have one.  So, I gave them my hope.  And I hope they love each other as much as they can.  And I hope that love will extend to a greater understanding of themselves and the friendship I have given Flash.  And…
Why can’t I cry?  Why can I never fully access the emotions I need to access at the time I need them?  Why can I never say what I mean?  Why do words always fail me?
I hope I make some sense to you out there…
I love this life, but not the problems.  But that’s life, isn’t it?  No smooth without rough.  But I’ve never been any good at the rough.  I’m a fair weather human.  But I shouldn’t worry, should I?
You won’t kill yourself will you, Ritcherd?
Who cares?  Who ever cared?
REJECTION!  That’s all I get!  But it’s my own fault.  I lose people through my stupidity.
My parents have rejected me.  Betty has no time for me.  It’s always Freddie.  I’m never going to receive a penny from my parents again, so they tell me.  No support.  REJECTION!

And a baby in May.  A new member of the family.  That’s nice for them, but it’s another to care for.  Another to compete with, just like Jack was, and they’ll push me out of the way!
Why don’t I miss Jenny any more?
Why do I bother?
I hope the future is well for Layne and Gordon.  I love you both with my deep heart.
In my confused state, I think I could offer Alison so much love.  But she was right about my moods.  I can’t let her suffer.  And I don’t want her to stop loving me, ever…  And I don’t know why!
‘My Death’ – David Bowie
It’s been a good year for music hasn’t it, WINTERBOY?
Things, on the whole, have been a lot more interesting since August, thank god!
And I’m now wearing clothes that suit my moods (black!), and I’m starting to appear as differently outwardly as I have always felt on the inside.  It took a lot of shopping, and I’m still not quite done.  There’s room for more!  But it happened.  Thank god.
A hectic year, really, and there’s only a day of it left.  Only a day.  And my life has an almost all-new ‘cast’…
How can it be that we never suspect our destiny?
Was the year regrettable?  Well, it was often sweet in places, but very often it tasted bitter.  I seemed to live in hope of love and affection, something which my parents had stopped giving me.  I had to seek it from my people, my friends, and that’s where I will continue to seek it. 
And…
I hope that one day I’ll be truly happy.  One day, when I’ve found out who I really am and what I want and why I do the things I do.  That will be a great day, even if the truths are hard to face.  But it may never happen.  Who knows?  My time may be cut short before the true Ritcherd Winterfood is revealed.  There are many layers of untruth that have to be peeled away, and that will take time.  But do I have time to take? 
Or… 

Will I just feel so overwhelmed that I simply end it all?
Confusion is a horrible thing.  The 1980 Kicks Show has proved that.  And as it all fades around me, I wonder if any of it really happened?  Perhaps I’ll wake up on my Grandma Pritchard’s settee on October 1st 1983, mere hours before the move from Pontefract to Wisbech
I doubt it.  The truth must be faced.  This is my reality, and I will have to meet my real self sooner or later.  And when I do, I will have to discard this frivolous character, so full of confusion and inner turmoil.

This is not ‘fancy writing’.  This is the heart of Ritcherd Winterfood.
To the future!
Whether there is one or not…

To Dodo and Flash:    
I send you all the happiness in the world.  May your love eat the cynicism of all those fools
around you

 
 
To Alison:                   
I offer my repentance.  I render all my services to your kind heart.  You were great.  It was
only my stupidity that was wrong!
 
 
To Jen:                        
I send all my affection – if that is what you require.  Love me back, and with as much
enthusiasm, you gorgeous girl.  Or let me go.


To Betty:                     
Why can’t it be like before?
 
 
 
BMW:                        
Sorry.
 
 
 
Everyone else:            
I just wanted to be up on your pedestal.  Please help me.
 
 
They all said, ‘Why can’t I be like Winterfood?  It’s all okay for him!  Yeah, he lets all his problems breeze past.  He’s cool and together and funny…’
 
 
I don’t want turmoil.  I want to scream.  Or die.  Or both…
oh!  GoD!!!




[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context.  Never forget: no man is an island.  If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July  2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘The 1980 Kicks Show…’

Monday, 29 December 1986

The Dodo Thing

‘When I’m Five’ – David Bowie



I rang Flash this morning and decided to pop down his.  He was quite surprised!  But wouldn’t you be if I’d just popped down yours?  When I arrived, he was all set for him and me to go and visit Dodo, his girlfriend.  He cottoned on pretty quickly that I wasn’t my usual self.  I was still feeling rather depressed, but he took me out of it somewhat…



We met Dodo in town, with her 13-year-old cousin Matthew, who is okay, considering his age.  Dodo is quite attractive.  She is a spiky-headed Goth who looks great in her tight black, pointy stuff.  I like her very much.  She’s a lot better than Manda Jones, and if her feelings are in the same place as Flash’s, then they should both think themselves lucky to be in a beautiful relationship that looks as though it could really blossom in the future.


We all visited my Aunty Vi, so that I could thank her for my Christmas present: a pair of CRIMPERS!  We then proceeded to go to Wakefield, where I suppose I stupidly squandered some of my money on records, i.e:

           
A limited edition 12-inch of The Mission’s ‘Garden of Delight’, which was also autographed by the band!



A ‘not for sale’ 12-inch ‘white label’ of The Mission’s ‘Stay with Me’ (which was also autographed).



A 7-inch of two of David Bowie’s versions of ‘John, I’m Only Dancing’.



Well, at least it made me happy.


A lot of the time, I felt like a right gooseberry when Flash + Dodo were kissing and stuff…


Later on, we dossed in a graveyard, which wasn’t very amahzing as graveyards go, but it felt nice.


By the way, we also went to see BIRDY and find out how he’s getting on.  On the dole… 


Back at Flash’s, Flash made me feel very uncomfortable when he sincerely asked me, ‘How can I get to be as great and together as you?’, or words to that effect.  Obviously, I was flattered, but…


He was pleased, y’see, that I had got on so well with Dodo and she with me.  Apparently, she thinks I’m a ‘right laugh’ and that I ‘looked cool’ in the graveyard.  Flash also thought I looked good today.


All this made me realise how ‘forward’ I am.  In spite of my insecurities, in certain situations I must really (subconsciously) take it for granted that people are going to like me, so I take ‘liberties’ with them.  No, not ‘liberties’, but I just assume they’re going to be okay and treat them as such.  Unless, of course, I don’t!  Ha-ha!


Later, we had our first real heart-to-heart since 1985.  We discussed the day, and as we thought about it, I realised I must fancy Dodo in some sort of way and that, subconsciously, I was trying to impress her.  Is that because I do fancy her, or because she’s Flash’s girlfriend?  I don’t know.  Maybe I just want to come across as impressive.  Just to girls, or to everyone?  Who knows!  Flash felt a bit sort of jealous, but not jealous if you know what I mean?  He even put it down to me being there that he saw her for as long as he did… 


Maybe I was over-affectionate?  I know I can be.  But I hope I didn’t go too far.  I’d hate to ruin their relationship, and what I’ve got with Flash: the best friendship ever!


Anyway, I seem to have made a good impression on Dodo.  I’m glad.


Flash said he always sees me as single, even though he’s heard about all my adventures with BMW and Alison and Jen and so on.  This is because he’s never actually seen me with a girlfriend.  He also said he sees me as forever young, like I’ll die before I get too old.  And he dreads it, and doesn’t want it and…


I’m probably blowing it all out of proportion, y’know…



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context.  Never forget: no man is an island.  If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July  2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘Nostalgia…’

Sunday, 28 December 1986

Train to Yorkshire

‘Neukoln’ – David Bowie


I got the train to Doncaster today, hoping to get away from all that toss at home. 

I bought a copy of Smash Hits to occupy me on the journey, but even though the Reader’s Poll was vaguely interesting, it was just a bit ‘trendy’ for me…

Upon arrival in Castleford, after a reflective train ride, my Grandparents (even my Gran Sugden) were eager to say loads of abusive stuff and ‘dis’respect/praise about my appearance, with loads of shit about ‘turkeys’ (my backcombed hair), ‘monks’ (my dark clothes and accessories), and ‘queers’ (my eye make-up).  Makes me sick!  Why are they so narrow fuckin’ minded?!




[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context.  Never forget: no man is an island.  If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July  2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘The Dodo Thing…’

Saturday, 27 December 1986

Always Crashing

‘Art Decade’ – David Bowie



Do I really want to die?


What do I want?


I want someone to be here now; to love me.  To tell me they care.


I need everybody:  Flash, Jenny, Alison.  They care.  I think.


I’m sorry I couldn’t ring, Flash!


Hopefully I’ll be in Castleford tomorrow, at my Gran’s.  Hopefully.  She hasn’t sent the train fayre yet, so I’ll have to go on my own money.  Oh well.  And Betty’ll go on about how much the Winterfoods don’t really care about me and all that SHAIGHT…


NEARLY … THE END … ONE GULP AWAY!

but

not

yet

?

3

letter

words

all

ending

in

T

HELP!


  4

           YOGA

What of my report?

Help me!  I don’t wanna leave…

Later:


‘A New Career in A New Town’ – David Bowie



I think it’s about 4pm


FUCK OFF, BERWIN!!!


I’m feeling calmer, now.  I’m sorry about my previous outbursts, but I’m getting immensely tense and worried about my future…


Well, I should be leaving for Yorkshire at about 2.25pm or 3.25pm tomorrow afternoon, and my dearest diary shall be accompanying me.


By the way, last time I knew, Flash was back with Dodo.  What a madcap, quirky couple they are, eh, fellows?


Later:


‘Warszawa’ – David Bowie



‘Before the war, what was there?’ 


‘Only ash and small flowers.  And a man.  What was his name?  Ritcherd.  Yes, Ritcherd – but spelt funny!  Why did you want to know?’


‘Curiosity.’


‘Yes.  I used to be curious, also.  Oh, the sweet smell of the ash, and the flowers in bloom could tear the soul from a man.  My heart will always skip a beat at the thought.  Texture like fine powder…  And the rabbits would trail over the hills, playing their spring games.  How I wish you’d been there.  Alas…’


Sometimes I even scare myself


Don’t worry about me.  I’ll be okay!


WHEN?!


Later:


‘Always Crashing in the Same Car’ – David Bowie



I am in my stripy pyjamas, flat-haired and dishevelled with soft stubble.  My eyes are dark and I have spots on the bridge of my nose.  My cheeks are hollow and my end is coming soon!


SORRY ABOUT THIS!!!


I popped down to Alison’s for a while tonite.  About five minutes, on the way to pick up Queenie (Freddie’s mum).  She says she had a good Christmas.  I lent her some more tapes.  She was quite eager to hear about Flash’s love life developments with Dodo and Manda


She mentioned something about the fact that she had been thinking about inviting me to go for a drink with her and Sara on Christmas Eve, but she didn’t because she didn’t want to sound as though she was madly in love with me…


Why is she so wonderful?  So nice?  I could kiss her to death if it wasn’t for my usually tangled web of a life.


I’ve got to write to her…


 



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context.  Never forget: no man is an island.  If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July  2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]


NEXT TIME: ‘Yorkshire…’