25 Years Too Late...

25 Years Too Late...

Saturday, 31 May 1986

Love Overdue...

‘Something’ – The Beatles


Something Cocteau-esque with a lyre…

At last!  The day I’ve waited a bloody week for!

I met Melba Dench in town.  She was with Nicky Brown, who we walked to the bus station as she was going home.  I felt guilty that this made me pleased, even though Nicky is great.  It was just that she felt more like Melba Dench’s friend than mine today and we didn’t seem to get on as well as usual.  And I wanted Melba to myself – which was odd because I know I still ‘fancy’ Nicky.

Once Nicky had gone, Melba and I walked around town discussing things like the party and my feelings for her.  We didn’t kiss or anything, we just walked and spoke like friends.  I told her of the note I put in her cigarette box when we went to the theatre that time (which I removed). 

As it rained, we went for a Coke at Burger Me. 

Following this, we sat in the park, talking.  Eventually we ended up kissing, and she’s a great kisser – all wet and juicy. 

‘Why Don’t We Do It in the Road’ – The Beatles

We saw BMW and ignored her.  We were also spotted kissing by Katy Gaynor!  Quite a few people know we were in town together (among them Stu, Katy Gaynor, Tara Speed and BMW – oh, and Nicky, of course!). 

Gradually, I realised Melba’s ankle was bleeding, due to walking in tight heels.  I decided she should go home, because it was obviously hurting.  As we reached the bus station, I suggested the 10 to five bus, but it didn’t arrive so I walked her to the hairdressers where her sister works.  Here we kissed our farewells!

‘Strip’ – Adam Ant

I’m in a strange situation, as she told me not to tell her friends Janet Joy or Sally Reynolds!  I think it depends on her friends whether she goes out with me or not.  For all I know, I am going out with her, but I never asked, and I rather doubt it.  My heart is hers, though, and I hope she feels the same.  And I hope she doesn’t discard me.

We at least seem to want each other…

A worried, arty face…

When I eventually got home (after bumping into Sophie Fisher), I watched two brilliant films on TV: Orphee and Testament d’Orphee. 


They were made by Jean Cocteau (one of Bill Nelson’s idols) and they are fabulous.




I’m also dead into The Cure.

Hi, Melba.

[“HELLO.  I’M FROM 1987.  MY WILLY IS 9 and a half ON THE SOFT…”]


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]


NEXT TIME: ‘A ringing phone…’

Friday, 30 May 1986

Staying In

‘Manic Depression’ – Jimi Hendrix

Stayed in and listened to my records. 

Can’t wait till tomorrow!  Today was a total boring doss!

‘Hello, Goodbye’ – The Beatles





[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘Love overdue…’

Thursday, 29 May 1986

Absolute Beginners

My No.1: ‘Absolute Beginners (Dub)’ – David Bowie


David Bowie is my HERO OF THE MOMENT.




MD



PSYCHOTIC PINEAPPLE ’86!


Today we all (the 'family') went for a ride out in the country.  Smaergie, huh?



No.  I didn’t think so, either!

THE STORY?



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Staying in…’

Thanks to Waen Shepherd

Wednesday, 28 May 1986

So There!

‘Your Silent Face’ – New Order


THE PSYTUATIONNE PRESENTS: THE PSYCHOTIC PINEAPPLE

– AND IT ISN’T EVEN A PINEAPPLE… OR, COME TO THAT, PSYCHOTIC. 

SO THERE!



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]


NEXT TIME: ‘Absolute beginners…’

Thanks to Waen Shepherd

Tuesday, 27 May 1986

More Chores and Jobs

‘What have You Done For Me Lately’ – Janet Jackson



Worked again and stuff.    


V.boring


WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]


NEXT TIME: ‘More from the Psychotic Pineapple…’

Monday, 26 May 1986

No Mercy

‘No Mercy’ – The Stranglers


Well, boogah me.  We all (the 'family' and me) did some ‘work’ today.  Chores and jobs.  We cleaned up the yard, for example.  Groove-o.


BOR-ING!


WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]


NEXT TIME: ‘More dullness (sorry)…’

Sunday, 25 May 1986

Dossing Abart


‘Get Back’ – The Beatles



I was still at my Gran’s today.  Flash came down and we completed the Wetlands Chronicles cassette.  We also exchanged our latest Situation products, i.e.: The Psychotic Pineapple EP and the half-completed Now That’s What I Call Crippy.  Afterwards, we just generally dossed abart! 


Eventually, my parents picked me up.  We set off home with our Jeff (my cousin), who’s staying with us for two weeks, which I’m not too keen about.  He met Keir tonight and he fancies her!  See?  It’s not just me.


A worried face, lit from the side.  His eyes are terrified…

Something Bill Nelson might copy from Jean Cocteau or Picasso…







[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]


NEXT TIME: ‘Chores…’


Big love to Waen Shepherd

Saturday, 24 May 1986

Lovebite


‘Good Day Sunshine’ – The Beatles



I’ve got a lovebite on my neck!  Who did it?  Either Mandy James or Sadie Woolf? 


Sadie, I hope!


Well, today we’re all off to Pontefract, and I hope to see Flash tonight, so we’ll see what happens!


Later: 


‘Lady Madonna’ – The Beatles



Well, I arrived at my Grandma Winterfood’s (unannounced) and I am staying here tonight.  But I haven’t seen Flash.




[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]


NEXT TIME: ‘Dossing abart…’

Friday, 23 May 1986

The School Leaving Party

Listening to Stan’s Cure tape.



I met Stan Flowers in Wisbech at about 1.15pm. 




We walked three miles back to Blackberry Narrow, where Stan got chatting to Keir (my 12-year-old neighbour and cousin of Melba Dench) and, eventually, asked her out!  She said ‘Yes’, so Stan decided he would bring her to the Leaving Party!


Keir did our make-up.  Mine was acker and snoot!  I had a white face, dark eyes, mascara, black lipstick, blue cheekbones and a blue and pink star on my cheek.  We went to the party clad in total black.  At first, we were pretty well ridiculed by some of the ‘lads’, but they’re a bunch of tossers anyway!


I was actually hoping to get off with, or at least kiss Nicky Brown, but it never worked out.


She looked great in her blue dress, with her beautiful dark eyes – and I had my photo taken with her, but didn’t see all that much of her after that. 


We’re probably better off as mates, anyway.  Let’s see how college goes, eh?



So who did I get off with?



Well, I started necking with CallyBell (ginner), and then Mandy ‘Chompers’ James, who disappeared when I went to scrounge a fag from Melba Dench (Keir’s cousin!) for Eve Cracknell.  I wandered outside to look for Mandy and started kissing with Sadie Woolf, who wouldn’t normally give me that sort of time of day, except as mates. 


We kissed for bloody ages, so she must’ve been pissed!  When she disappeared, I was somehow back with Melba Dench.  We had a good time of kissing, but then she went off for a dance.  So I went out for a walk and started kissing with Tara Speed!  At last.  After all this time! 


At last!


Meanwhile, Jazz got really ill and went home.

 


Keir and Flowers had an argument, but got back together again!




Back inside, Melba Dench was angry with me because I’d 'been' with Tara.  I told Melba that the trouble with these parties was that I never know who is being serious and who isn’t.  I asked her if she was and she said she didn’t know.  But we got back together and I massaged her wet vagina and played with and sucked her lovely breasts.  At the end of the party/disco, I asked her if I could ring her.  She said no, but that she would meet me not tomorrow, but next Saturday (I think!), 2pm at WH Smiths!  I look forward to it. 


Stan and I have now returned home and are in bed (technically, he’s on the floor).  I am surprised I’m as sober as I am, because earlier tonight, I ran off with Stan’s half-bottle of vodka.  When he found out, he chased me for it and I downed most of it in one (it was strong!), leaving just a capful for Cheggers!

 


Oh, cheers, Betty, for stopping by and taking some photos!



Melba Dench!  MD


WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]



NEXT TIME: ‘Lovebite…’

Thursday, 22 May 1986

At the End of It All

Britain’s No.1: ‘The Chicken Song’Spitting Image

Stupidly, I took the morning off school to revise for more R.E.  

I went in at 1pm and did the exam, but at the end of the day, Mr Burleigh (our headmaster) called us into the Hall and told us he was letting us all leave today (one day early)!  This was so the teachers would avoid eggs, flour, rotten veg, etc, as planned for tomorrow.  This rather upset me, because it was so sudden and I wanted to tape record the last day. 

Well, tough shit, Winterfood! 

At least we have the Leaving Party tomorrow, and Stan’s coming down to stay.

My No.1: ‘Queen Bitch’ – David Bowie

Tina (Mrs Montgomery) gave me a card congratulating me on my Drama work. 
She said I did exceptionally well and that there’s something special about my work.  Wow.

My School Reference:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
RITCHERD WINTERFOOD
Ritcherd has been a member of this school from October 1983 to May 1986.

Academically he has ability and I hope he prepares sufficiently carefully to realise his potential in the forthcoming external examinations.  He has been entered for English Language, English literature and Drama at G. C. E. ‘O’ level, Mathematics, Biology, History and Art at 16+ level, Typing, Drama, Religious Education at C. S. E. and Typing at R. S. A. Stage I.

Ritcherd has mixed well among his peer group considering his late arrival and his relationship with most members of staff has been generally satisfactory.  He has taken an interest in the activities of the Drama Department and otherwise has preferred not to involve himself in many extra-curricular activities.  Much of his leisure time is spent recording plays and comedy material, which he writes.  He also enjoys reading and drawing.

Ritcherd intends to continue his education prior to seeking a career either in journalism or the theatre.  I hope he is successful in his efforts as I am sure that he has much to offer as a future employee.

We wish him well,

K. Burleigh

HEADMASTER

‘Strawberry Fields Forever’ – The Beatles

So, exam days and college aside, that’s goodbye to Joey, Jazz, Cheggers, Human Beatbox, Scumburger, Stan, Brundle, Dave, Jabba, Astra, Nicky, Sadie, Cally, Chompers, Jo, Tara, Angelene, Katy, Tia, Rachel and so many others.  I only came here at the start of the Third Year, shy and friendless, but now I can’t remember ever being as popular as I am right now.  Even so, I never got the ‘academic’ part of school (except maybe in English, Art and Drama), or the weird ‘school rules’ nonsense, so I’m glad to be off – if I get to college, that’ll be much better I’m sure.




[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘The Leaving Party!’

Wednesday, 21 May 1986

Hobson's Choice

‘Do I Want To?’ – We've Got A Fuzzbox And We're Gonna Use It


Wetlands High School O level
Theatre Arts Group
presents
selections from




BOOGAH!

Today was the day of the O level exam performance of Hobson’s Choice!


Selection 1


We are in Hobson’s Boot Shop in Chapel Street, Salford.  The year is 1880.

Hobson – (The Situation’s) Ritcherd Winterfood
Maggie – Pauline Alderton
Vickey – Jo Brownlow (from The Situations The Wetlands Chronicles!)
Alice – Sally Batterham
Mrs Hepworth – Colleen Dix
Albert Prosser – Roger Limb


Selection 2


This follows directly from the 1st scene.

Hobson – Stephen Cash
Maggie – Tara Speed
Willie – Stan Flowers (from The Situation’s The Wetlands Chronicles!)
Vickey – Kate Nelson
Alice – Roberta Howard
Ada – Mandy James (from The Situation’s A Merry Wetlands Xmas!)


Selection 3


The same scene again but with different actors.  An alternative interpretation.

Hobson – Roger Limb
Maggie – Rachel Baker (from The Situation’s A Merry Wetlands Xmas!)
Willie – Ritcherd Winterfood
Vickey – Astra Trellis (from The Situation’s A Merry Wetlands Xmas!)
Alice – Tia Purdey (from The Situation’s Taped Plastic!)
Ada – Eve Cracknell


Selection 4


Hobson’s parlour.

Hobson – Rod Walpole (from The Situation’s Taped Plastic!)
Maggie – Nicky Brown (from The Situation’s The Wetlands Chronicles!)
Willie – Owen Thomas
Alice – Roberta Howard
Vickey – Kate Nelson


We rehearsed all day (apart from another RE exam!) and my two sections differed from each other quite considerably.  In my first section (as Hobson), the whole thing went crap!  In my second section (as Willy), it went perfect!


That was in rehearsals!


In the O-level performance, it went the opposite.  In the second section, I missed a line, but we got it going again!  Once again, I was with Rachel Baker, and overall it seemed to be okay.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th Century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]

Hobson's Choice illustrations copyright Elton Townend Jones, 2011.
NEXT TIME: ‘At the end of it all…’

Tuesday, 20 May 1986

Wetlands Chronicles

‘We Love You’ – The Rolling Stones



Back to school for the last week, chiddies!  Yes!  We’ll be leaving on Friday!  I also started the ‘live’ recording for The Situation’s Wetlands Chronicles cassette (getting recordings of Nicky and Sadie in the Common Room – plus Jazz and Cheggers).  What a carking doss, eh, chiddies?!

Neal X…


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘Hobson’s Choice…’

Big love to Waen Shepherd

Monday, 19 May 1986

St Luke's Gospel

Listening to Suzanne Vega.

I had today off from school to revise – most notably for my RE CSE exam, which takes place tomorrow!  AAARGH!  It really was dead boring reading 30 chapters of St Luke’s Gospel.  And boy, did I get pissed off! 

Heh-Heh! 

Tonight, though, I completed the Psychotic Pineapple EP.  It’s ace.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th Century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Wetlands Chronicles…’

Big love to Waen Shepherd

Sunday, 18 May 1986

Situation: Summertime

On May the 18th nineteeneightysix
The Summer started for The Situation!


‘Sweetest Thing’ – Gene Loves Jezebel


A Hobson’s Choice rehearsal. 
Not long before the performance now, chids!

Exit Ada.  Put Up The Banns.  Will’s Dinner.  Ada Enters!  What’s Best For Willy?  The Best Chance.  Hobson Goes!  Maggie Calls Willy!  Asking To Wed!  Tokened!  Born To Meekness!

Apart from that, I stayed in.  Again!  But I started recording The Situation’s Psychotic Pineapple EP.

SITUATION SUMMERTIME (9.42pm)

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th Century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]

NEXT TIME: ‘St Luke’s Gospel…’


Big love to Waen Shepherd

Saturday, 17 May 1986

"Hero"

‘Godstar’ – Psychic TV

In town, I got my hair cut again and bought some Bowie singles.  He has become one of the major/hero influences of my life thanks to the brilliant Hunky Dory album I’ve liberated from Betty.
 

Apart from that, the day’s not been very eventful.  But who knows, it may get better!

Later:

But tough shait, chiddies, cos it cacking didn’t!

‘Fill Your Heart’ – David Bowie

Have I told you about a new programme called The Chart Show?  I don’t think I have.  Well, it’s bloody brilliant, may-tay!

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th Century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Situation: Summertime…’

Friday, 16 May 1986

Children of Wetlands

‘Don’t Stop The Dance’ –  Bryan Ferry.



The days move on.  Soon we will have gone away, no longer the children of Wetlands.  And what then?  What do you, young man?  What do you, young woman? 


Me, I know not!  I cannot find my real soul. 


And why not? 


Who can tell?


Maybe it’s because I’m a stonker and I’m cack.



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th Century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]


NEXT TIME: ‘God/Star…’

Thursday, 15 May 1986

Perfect Life

Britain’s No.1: ‘Rock Me Amadeus’Falco




WAH-DOOBY-DOOH!



Mrs Montgomery told us, in secret, our CSE Drama results.  I came second in the whole year, behind RachelBaker.  I received a macker Grade One (which is equivalent to an O-level pass)!  Two more exams to pass and I can do my Theatre course at college!  Thank God Nicky Brown’s going to do it, too!



This week’s brilliant comics…











Life is perfect!






[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / Based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th Century, this blog is a work of fiction.  Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context, and never forget: no man is an island.]



NEXT TIME: ‘The end draws near…’