25 Years Too Late...

25 Years Too Late...

Friday, 28 February 1986

Wank List 1986

‘Living a Boy’s Adventure Tale’ – A-ha


WANK LIST 1986
Jayne Tyler (can’t forget the denim warmth between her legs that night we watched Doctor Who in her ‘parlour’); Kirsty McDonald (she’s got great eyes and decent breasts); Hannah (just reckon she’s dirty); BM Wasp (of course, she’s just stunning); Phoebe (the more I think about it, the more I fancy her and her bushy eyebrows); Sadie Woolf (I really need to have sex with her…); Angelene Hawkins (after Stan’s party, what d’you expect?); Katy Gaynor (there’s something ‘real woman’ about her now); Nicky Brown (we really should go out with each other); Mandy Dell (still gorgeous); Tara Speed (slim ‘n’ sexy); BMW’s mum (why not? She’s older, yeah, but a lot like BMW); Gerry Gordon (she’s just really nice, sorry, Flash!); Tia Purdey (another one I’d just really love to have sex with); Sue Nunn (she’s got better looking with time and I bet she’s good at it); Sally Roper (she’s really filthy, I reckon, and I’ve fancied her since I started at Wetlands).

Later:
‘Glow World’ – Bill Nelson




I think February has shown me the first signs of my ‘schizophrenia’: when things began to crumble between BMW and I, and Flash’s half term visit was cancelled. I think that issue with Flash made us dislike each other more, but right now we seem to have become friendlier than ever…

A gap between my Mother and I has slowly begun to develop…

My ‘infatuation’ with Hazel Church, which meant we became 'close' for a couple of days, seems to have led to the end of all communication between Astra Trellis and myself. Because of my ‘moods’, apparently…


WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Eight years from now…’

Thursday, 27 February 1986

Secret Wars II

‘Good Morning Universe’ – Toyah


YAMMO! YAMMO! YAMMO!

YUP! IT’S ME! IT’S FEB 27TH! SAY HELLO, JAZZ.

Jazz: HELLO!

RITCHERD WINTERFOOD IS HERE! ELOISE! HIPPY RITCHERD! FUCK OFF! GAY ‘N’ SPACK! FUCK OFF! JAZZ IS SPIDER-TWAT!

‘A jolly little book…’

Yes, well…

Later:

My No.1: ‘Eloise’ – The Damned


My latest comics are all utterly brilliant. They are…

Amazing Spider-Man 274

The Avengers 265 and New Mutants 37

…and Uncanny X-Men 203.

I LOVE Secret Wars II. Brilliant!

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Wank List 1986…’

Wednesday, 26 February 1986

Eleven Years From Now: 26/02/97

ELEVEN YEARS FROM NOW…

‘Little Wonder’ – David Bowie



Had a lovely day out in LONDON with LILI, which was great. We bought Doctor Who books and ate in Chinatown

… (at the restaurant I took her to for her GRADUATION DINNER).

Afterwards, we ended up in HAAGEN DAZS

…before failing to go to the pictures so we could come home and watch FRIENDS.

Again, I feel such love for Lilith. More than I ever did. I can’t wait to get the Third Year out of the way and then we can go away together. If only she’ll wait for me…


WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO




[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘My latest comics…’

Tuesday, 25 February 1986

Eight Years From Now: 25/02/94

EIGHT YEARS FROM NOW…

‘Lipgloss’ – Pulp


Music: Pulp, Reborn, Sheep On Drugs, Suede, Hazel O'Connor, Sex Pistols, Blondie, Blur, The Smiths, Eurythmics, Inspiral Carpets, Elastica, Kim Wilde, Prokofiev.

Elbow wrote back to me, very interested in coming to stay here. That’d be really great. I haven’t seen him in a very long time.

PICK ‘N’ MIX…

Tara King, John Goodman, black and white photography, breasts, Backfield In Motion, Ruby Wax, Myra Hyndley, Blade Runner, The Avengers, The Flintstones, Tom Arnold, Vangelis…

Tonight was Couch Potato Night for the sexy Lili and me. Roseanne was brilliant. Roseanne and Dan got stoned and it was perfect. Hilarious.

It’s Friday, I’m in love…

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Eleven years from now…’

Monday, 24 February 1986

The Psychotic Pineapple

'Street Addict' - Toyah



THE PSYCHOTIC PINEAPPLE ’86 – FLASH GORDON, RITCHERD WINTERFOOD, JAZZ THOMPSON, DANNY CHEGWIN, JAMES ABBOTT…
CACKER SQUIDGE, OK!

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Eight years from now…’

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

Sunday, 23 February 1986

The Covenant, The Sword And The Arm Of The Lord

‘I Want You’ – Cabaret Voltaire



Hazel came over and helped me sort out the static caravan in our yard.

We listened to Cabaret Voltaire’s brilliant The Covenant, The Sword And The Arm of the Lord.

‘L21ST’ – Cabaret Voltaire




WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘The Psychotic Pineapple…’

Saturday, 22 February 1986

The Day After Scumburger's Party

‘A Foreign Place’ – Japan


The day after Scumburger’s party…

…which was not without incident. Good music, lots of booze, Gary Decan’s band (Pussfeller) making a hasty escape through a window when things turned violent and me and Hazel getting on like a house on fire. Or a house with the giggles at the very least.

So, today, I invited Hazel across to see Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence (again). She came over and we enjoyed ourselves (no, not in the sex kind of way, but as friends, you cynics!).

I hope Astra Trellis doesn’t mind me inviting her best friend to my house instead of her…

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Hazel came over...’

Friday, 21 February 1986

The Old Gang!

‘Swords of a Thousand Men’ – Tenpole Tudor


Holly Johnson?

Or Maxwell Caulfield?


I did venture into Wisbech today, and after two hours of waiting, I bumped into Hazel and Lizzie – with Claire Stubbs. The old gang! We all went around together when I first moved down here in 1983, as you know.

As time went by, Lizzie and Claire went home, whilst Hazel and I stayed in town. Like myself, Hazel intends going to Scumburger’s party tonite, so we both went to buy some cider.

A weird helmet/ball thing with stick arms and cartoon animal opera gloves. Antennae and big black boots. Pointing off to its right…

A long-nosed, nasal-moustachioed, middle-parted, spec-wearer sprays phlegm…

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘I hope Astra Trellis doesn’t mind…’

Thursday, 20 February 1986

From Astra To Hazel

My No.1: ‘Eloise’ – The Damned



A very poxy me saying: Hi!

Up early today as we had to go to George’s because Betty and Freddie are going to London for the day to celebrate their ‘anniversary’. George gave me £4 to spend whilst he and Jack went to Peterborough. Mellow. I stayed behind at The King Arthur (my old home, but very different now) and worked on my Drama Project.

Later, I rang Astra Trellis to see if she would be going up town. She said yes, so we went into Wisbech together, only interrupted and a bit ‘put-off’ by the sudden appearance of Legs, who eventually decided to go to the dentist (well, not exactly ‘decided’). But, in town, Astra lost a letter that her mum had asked her to post and later got into trouble!

As the afternoon went on, we came across Hazel and Lizzie Church, who we went around with.

On the bus ‘home’, I asked Hazel and Lizzie if I could visit them (at their house in West Walton) later in the evening.

Back at The King Arthur, I watched Blue Peter and it inspired me to start thinking about writing a new and modern stage version of Frankenstein. So I shall!

Following some more Drama Project, Top Of The Pops and EastEnders, I went to Hazel’s, where Lizzie crimped my hair. We then wandered the streets and chatted. I realised that I’m getting to know Hazel a lot more at last (but not Lizzie). After being asked to meet them in town tomorrow, I went in to watch Blackadder II.


I also mixed a new theme tune for The Situation tapes.



WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘The old gang!’

Wednesday, 19 February 1986

Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence

'Awakening (Songs From The Treetops)' - David Sylvian


Groovy. The Colbys today.

Was good!

Didn’t do much else, but I finally saw the smaergie Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence (or ‘Rawlence’).

Brilliant! It was cool ‘n’ hip ‘n’ ace!

Pick ‘n’ Mix EXTRA:

Roberta Tovey, ‘Montreal’ by Adam Ant, Alas Smith & Jones, Camberwick Green, satellite TV, Captain Sensible, Rory McGrath, Vincent Price, Rupert the Bear, Reader’s Wives, Screaming Lord Sutch, Hofmeister lager, older women, Bill Grundy, Captain Caveman, celibacy, masturbation, Andy Kershaw, Bostik, Cecil Parkinson, Terry’s Neapolitans, Brooke Shields, Doctor Who, Michael Jackson, Victoria Gillick, Blancmange, Billy Connolly, Perpugilliam Brown, Jimmy Durante, Coronation Street, Prince Charles, James Dean, rude bits, leather-clad brunettes…

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Astra got into trouble…’

Tuesday, 18 February 1986

Fuck All

Listening to Julian Cope.



Did Fuck All today!

Watched EastEnders.




Pick ‘n’ Mix…

The Brigadier, ‘Non-Stop’ by The Human League, Star Trek, Tampax, Buddy Holly, women’s thighs, porn models in maid outfits, Eggs On Legs, tape farts, history books, atheism, UHU, Stan Flowers, quotations, rain, female buttocks, dreams, crappy people, Doug E Fresh, Maggie Bell, Astra Trellis, pork pie, Alice’s Bedsocks, Steve Wright In The Afternoon, Midge Ure, Lenny Henry, Ibiza, Illuminated Reality, Getting The Fear, Captain Zep, cat pooh, Jan Leeming, Heaven 17, Sparks, King, Lord Longford, Marc Bolan, St Valentine’s Day massacre, Men Without Hats, Roger Greenwood, George Harrison, hairy vulvas, Castella cigars, Gene Loves Jezebel, Lord Lucan

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]


NEXT TIME: ‘Leather-clad brunettes…’

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

Monday, 17 February 1986

Blessing In Disguise

AUTHOR’S CHOICE

‘six of the best’
A Selection of Short Stories from
ritcherd winterfood

Aftermassacre

The Dribbly Bogey

I Spunked Up On The Smelly But Furry Stomach Of A Rabid Camel Whilst It Had A Baby, Screwed A Donkey’s Arsehole And Licked My Girlfriend’s Titties In A Hotel At The Heart Of A Nuclear Explosion, One Fine Day

The 1980 Kicks Show

Fuck Off, Situtation: Hopeless

'Motion and Heart' – OMD
 



I went to Freddie’s ‘yard’ and did the stock take (to no gratitude at all!). He’s beginning to bug me! I like him the least of all my ‘fathers’ (except probably Paul, who I would like if he wasn’t so stubborn about the whole Jack situation).

A squashed-headed hero-type sports a mighty wedge of Mohawk

A grinning half face says, ‘FWEELEHH!’

A grinning half-man, half-BMW, face in half-shadow, hair in Kershaw mould says ‘KoK!’


The Cure


A big-eared looker with parted waves of hair and a lifebelt of an ear-ring…

Something half seen, half shadowed spies something high above…

A messy headed worried looking bloke…
Tonight: Stan Flowers’s Private Birthday Party for the Select Few. I was late and arrived at about 8pm! Damn and wistak.

People at the party?

Boys: Stan Flowers, me.
Girls: Jo & Becky Brownlow (both ginners), Janet Joy (former finger-buddy), Pauline Alderton, Sharon Jones, and the bee-ootiful (brainiest girl in our year) Angelene Hawkins!

As the party progressed, they all got drunk, and I only got a little tipsy. The booze wasn’t working on me! Which was a bastard!

So, we played Strip Poker and, quite luckily, Angelene lost, which meant we were given special view to her black satin and lace undergarments. Jolly D. I, too, lost and was left standing in my black, silk ‘bondage’ pants! Following this, we played Postman’s Knock, where Angelene and I arranged to kiss each other – a lot!

Time went on, and Stan said I could stay the night if I wanted.

Angelene and I went to the pub for some cigarettes. We briefly bumped into George (my Mum’s ex-husband), Elaine (his new wife), Daphne and Giles. George lent me some money, so Angelene and I were able to stop for a few drinks. We drank Whiskey Sours, chatting about relationships and why she recently finished with Cheggers after a very brief relationship. We discussed boys, girls, emotional maturity, exams, independence and smoking. Upon leaving, Angelene clung onto me, in a locking of arms, and asked me if I’ve ever ‘had it’. I told her ‘Yes’ and explained about Cheryl Pickering as well as BMW. I told her I was ashamed of doing it with Cheryl – and in some ways BMW, too – because it was all immature messing around. I want to do it properly. With a real woman. In a bed. I think I fancy Angelene. And she is fond of me, she says. She brought up the subject of me and Y-Fronts fancying her and Katy Gaynor in Fourth Year English.

Upon returning, we played more Postman’s Knock and Angelene and I kissed some more.
Then, Freddie + Betty arrived. I asked if I could stay. They said ‘no!’ – spastic fools. So I said goodbye and Angelene saw me off with a kiss!

At home, angered, I came to bed!

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Hairy vulvas…’

Sunday, 16 February 1986

Hmm

‘Man With The Lightbulb Head’ – Robyn Hitchcock


Not a lot today. Listened to Anne Nightingale’s Request Show, which was as educational as ever.

Hmm.

And, of course, Flash and I have been friends for exactly a year today. Not that it looks like we'll be carrying on, right now. He seems to be in a bit of a mood with me, and I'm in a bit of a mood with him because of that.

Hmm.

It’s about 11pm. My family went out quite a bit back and still haven’t returned. I wonder if they’re dead?

Hmm.

‘Leave It Open’ – Kate Bush


Oh well. What lies in store for the rest of February? Excitement at last? Some adventure? Some really wild things? Who knows!

Billy! And the bears!

Flash, Jazz, Astra and myself as apes from Planet Of The Apes


A crude, squirting penis…


Heroic legs, running…

Part-man, part-ape…


Me, all spotty and long-haired…


Davros

Ta-ta!

the end

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Angelene and I kissed some more…’

Saturday, 15 February 1986

'I Still Love You...'

'Kometenmelodie 2' - Kraftwerk


Dried blood everywhere…

Okay, let’s forget the 'Gordon Question' today, huh?

Last night’s dream:
Put simply, I did some lucid dreaming. This is where one can control one’s dreams. I controlled the women, pal!
Today. What happened?

Oh yes. I received another Valentine’s card. Inside it read:

‘Ritcherd, I still love you xxx’

…and we all know who that’s from.

Yup! BMW.

Noreen rang later. She begged me to go back out with BMW. I said no, but that I’d think on it. I mean, I don’t think we’ll be apart forever, but I don’t feel ready yet. I need a break. I think things were great when they were great, but at other times I’d be thinking about Jayne or Astra or just spending time with my friends and I don’t think that’s good for either of us.

Tonight, I received a surprise phone call from Make-Up. He’s in Sussex, at his dad’s. Apparently, during that week he stayed here (last August), I transformed his music taste! He now possesses both Propaganda LPs and a single – as well as the 12-inch I sold him, oh, and a Kate Bush LP.

I told him that if Flash doesn’t come, he can come up and stay this week. So. We’ll see. It’s all up to Danyel’s dad!

Say ‘YES’, Gerald, please!

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

Friday, 14 February 1986

Valentine's Day, 1986...

'Incantation' - David Sylvian
All I dreamt about last night was pleading for Gordon to be able to stay at our house. Negative results!

We (Flash Gordon and I) were going to make a series of Situation tapes chronicling his adventures down here. Alas, we might have to cancel that. I’m going to serialise my adventures on tape anyway. Whether things work out or not, I think it’s important to keep a document of this stressful time, so at school, I recorded some of the last lesson of term. So there, mateyboys!

In school, I started the ‘WE WANT FLASHER’ campaign, which was basically a petition signed by the following:

Ritcherd Winterfood, D Chegwin, Joe Bloggs, X, Joey, Jazz Thompson, Phil Smith, Paul Clifford, Brundle, Ritcherd Jones, D Philip Chegwin, Ritcherd Winterfood (again), Leo Rawk, R Winterfood, Kenneth Decan, Jeremy Kingsmartin, Jastopher Skill, Jacob, Jabba, Josiah D Dogbolter, Billy Hantrell, Paddy Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Davros, Alias T Jester, Sadie ‘Sexy’ Wolf (it’s a must!!!), Tia Purdey, Me, Him, Her, It, Jeffry Jungleofhair, John Thomas, Robin Hood, Tarzan of the Jungle, Billy Shakespeare, Dave Cooper, A Littlejohn, Jason Abbott, Worzel E Funnel, Roger Limb, Scumburger, David Davros, Clark Matthews, Human Beatbox, R Littenski.

It also had the words:

Pleasy-weasy, Missy Winterfood! I must see this Gordon phenomenon.

yourthaifully,

Mr Burleigh (ish)
H. Master of Wetlands Prison Camp

I sent Astra and Hazel homemade Valentine’s cards.

In English, the people who won a Twelfth Night quiz (my team) won Cadbury’s Crème Eggs!



Moon boots with spurs…

A running deformity with stunted arms, a crippled neck and long, muscular legs. He’s wearing only pants and boots with incredible grips…

A wonderful Kevin O’Neill-style face. Not technically brilliant, but I’m proud of it…

Later:
‘Wunderbar’ – Tenpole Tudor


Betty finally said Flash could stay!

AAH! Brilliant!

There was only one catch: they can’t pick him up from Pontefract, so he’ll have to come down on a train!

I rang Flash and the train idea seemed OK to him, but he rang back later after conferring with Gerry (his mum) and told me he can’t come unless we pick him up! I told him there was no way this could be done, which is true, because now that Jack lives with us we have no excuse for being in Ponty that weekend.

Flash got a bit angry with me, because he was under the impression that we were going to pick him up, but I did only say ‘maybe’ when we first discussed him coming down. I mean, if I rang the Gordons and said, ‘Hey! I’m staying for the week, but you need to drive down to Wisbech and pick me up’, I’m sure Gerald (Flash’s dad) wouldn’t pick me up! I asked why he couldn’t come on the train. He said it was because his mum wouldn’t let him, because his dad wasn’t there to give the go-ahead.

Now, readers, if I get touchy and nasty here, it is because I’m depressed and angry; I will not hold myself responsible for anything I might say, so there!

Flash’s dad doesn’t really want Flash to come down here because he thinks I’m a bad influence. I’m sure that this will be twisted into the argument and the train situation will be an excuse for them to forbid him to come.

Flash actually said he has a fear of public transport. BILLY! Only cos his dad won’t let him go on it, I bet! And if it is a genuine fear, it’s only because he hasn’t had the opportunity to use it! Which is rubbish, anyway, because he always gets the bus to Leeds when he wants! Gerry said she was worried because Flash hadn’t really been anywhere alone on a train before, so they didn’t want to risk it. Well, they should have trained him in the ways of personal independence much earlier! I told Flash they needn’t be so concerned, as I’ve used trains several times. Flash said this makes no difference as I am nearly 16 and he is only just 14, but that’s a load of crap! The last time I used a train, I was 14! Anyway, that’s how our very ‘atmospheric’ conversation ended. Now it’s all up to Gerald to give the train go-ahead. Which I know he won’t!

I feel sorry for Flash, really. He’s being smothered and brought up in a sheltered way. He can’t always depend on people to transport him everywhere. Soon, he’s going to have to use a lot more public transport – and now’s as good a time as any! There’s a first time for everything, Danyel!

As for me being a bad influence – that’s bullshit! Flash needs to get out of his goody-goody cotton wool ways sometimes – and I know it. I’ve been there and seen him free himself up, and I’ve heard the recordings of him doing it when I’m not even around. If he keeps repressing his personality he could get really screwed up. He could be come depraved and rape people!

Naw.

But when he gets into the Big Wide World, he’s going to get a shock. He might think I’m a tearaway and that my parents don’t care, but he’d be wrong. My parents care enough to have taught me independence and how things work. I’m not in the driving seat, but I’m experiencing life from the front passenger seat right now. Danyel’s in the back seat – or even the boot! He needs to get into the passenger seat also!

Flash is very physically and mentally mature. He is a 14-year-old in the body of a 16-year-old. Or do I mean the other way round? He has the capabilities of a 16-year-old, and I consider him extremely adept. I’m sure his parents do, too. So why must they persist in this smothering? To not use a train service that goes straight through to its destination is a bit strange for someone of Flash’s age (physical or mental!). So come on, Mr + Mrs Gordon – fingers out – let Flash live. There’s got to be a first time. Make him more independent, or I’m going to lose a friend.

Oh, I got one Valentine’s card. From Betty...
Hah!
Hah!
Hah!

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘I still love you…’

Thursday, 13 February 1986

This Time of Nothing

My No.1: ‘P-Machinery (Beta)’ – Propaganda


More dried blood...

I’m just going to school and I feel ill and very depressed.

Let Flash come please.
Let Flash come please.
Let Flash come please.

No, I didn’t mean COME as in SPUNK-UP, I meant it as ‘come down to my house’.

Please, my mean, nasty, tossing parents!

When I ring him tonight I’m going to feel a right bastard! He’ll think we hate him! I’ve got to convince my parents! I’ll do anything. I’ll go without pocket money while he’s down – for two weeks if I have to! We’ll keep out of the way, make our own meals, take the bus when possible…

AAAARGH!
Let
him
come
down!


Later:

‘Help’ – The Beatles


Dried blood in streaks…

I’ve just pleaded with Betty again. She said NO!

Let her say YES and I’ll work like bugger. I’ll never harm anyone or hate anyone again! I have also just ‘prayed’ to Buddha.

I went to school and I was very depressed – and now I think I’m ill. I’m depressed over two major situations: Flash and BMW.

Flash, please come…

I’ve been invited to go to a punk gig with Gary Decan (Joey’s brother). I might as well accept, seeing as how Flash won’t be coming.

I’ve got to beg. And plead.

PLEASE!

We’re all going out for tea tonight, and I’m going to have to beg her.

PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE!

I’m dying

(not literally)

Later:
Fucking hell,
you Cow!
Now I’m angry.

Later:

Another one of those faces I draw…

We came back from tea and I pleaded with Buddha.

And I am ill; I’ve got a touch of flu, so I’m off to bed.

Britain’s No.1: ‘When the Going Gets Tough the Tough Get Going’ – Billy Ocean


WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘There’s a first time for everything, Danyel!’

Wednesday, 12 February 1986

Finishing with Beatrice Miranda Wasp

Cow! Bitch! Twat!

Later:
betty has called it all off

Later:

BITCH!

Later:

‘Senses Working Overtime’ – XTC



School was babber today, but at least Astra enjoyed my 1985 diary tape – or so she says!

I asked Betty about arrangements for picking Flash up. She's now saying he can’t come!

Her excuses:

1. Freddie is ill.
2. I’m not exactly pulling my weight.
3. They’re going away for the day next Thurs and I’ve got to go to The King Arthur (which I don’t want).


Later:
Fuck off
Bitch
you Bitch Cow cow
Tossers Fuck off
I hate you
[hello – I’m from 1988, but I’m in disguise – Jez x]

cowBitchTosspot
Fucking
BitchFuck off
Lesbian Sod Bitch
You’re all bastards to me!
cow!

Brown, dried blood smeared all over the page...

Later:

‘Tar’ – Visage


I apologise for my outburst there, but I am angry! Wouldn’t you be? It’s the thing I’ve been waiting ages for and Betty has just screwed it all up!

‘Let him come in the Easter Holidays or Summer Holidays’ she says.

God, you fascist! You said he could come in these holidays and then changed your mind without being honest or direct with me! I’ve been waiting for Flash’s visit for ages! This was going to be the BiG holiday, the one where I have a big laugh, drink ‘n’ smoke before I start my exam revision. So I’ve got to suffer the embarrassment of letting Flash down now, and they don’t care!
BASTARDS!

I don’t think he can come in the Easter Holidays because he’ll be revising! And the Summer Holidays is 5 months away and I just can’t wait that long!

Later:

'Ancient Evening' - David Sylvian


I just rang BMW. And I finished with her. Well, what else could I do? It wasn’t working. I didn’t love her as much as I should; we’d both been getting more and more negative towards each other, and my approach to the relationship really wasn’t helping either. I did regret saying it. I think I still do. I’m not sure. And I couldn’t tell if she was upset or relieved. I don’t know. I’m all mixed-up in a flurry of emotions. I’m crying and I’m sorry about it, okay?

FineFineFineFine!

Look, my parents, I’m in a depressed phase! Let Flash come or I’ll kill you both…
Please…

Later:

BASTARDS
Fucking
Tossers




[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘I’m dying…’

Tuesday, 11 February 1986

Panic in the World

‘Panic In The World’ – Be Bop Deluxe


Wah-dooby-doo! Astra crimped my hair again today. So what’s new, huh?! Not a lot, but I also lent her my pookak 1985 diary cassette.

Tonight, I made myself a groovy remix of ‘P-Machinery’ by Propaganda.

I also watched EastEnders

…and my new favourite, Grange Hill.

Bonus Pick ‘n’ Mix:
John Lennon, Obadias Pittlesworth, Lauri Peters, Eddie Monsoon, blood stains, Mark Thatcher, 2000AD, noises, Family Circle biscuits, BBC 1, time capsules, cats, supermarkets, taxis, meaningless words, Dirty Movie, homosexuality, Concorde, pooh with blood mixed in, Fantasy Island, George Benson, The Psychedelic Bamboo, Bronski Beat, Armageddon, Peek Freans, The Glenn Miller Story, Not The Nine O’Clock News, Libya, guitars, Jimmy Stewart, BBC Sound Effects LPs, The Man From Del Monte, Farmer Giles, The Twot Bonnies.

Bored? So am I! And I bet Flash can’t come in the holidays!

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]
NEXT TIME: ‘Betty has called it off…’

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

Monday, 10 February 1986

Under Pressure

‘Under Pressure’ – Queen & Bowie


Gosh! I’m absolutely pissed off right now. My parents are really making life hard for me. I’m sure they don’t want Flash to come down here in the holidays for some reason. There are now conditions attached to his coming to stay, and these are that I should ‘behave’ and ‘help around the house’.

BILLY!

What pointless nonsense. Whenever they tell me to do something, I do it. What choice do I have? So why bother pointing it up like this? It's not like I don't already have a routine of chores I have to regularly fulfill. They are making things positively hard for me.
Cacker.

Tonight, I transferred the 1st volume of my 1985 diary onto cassette for Astra Trellis who says she wants to listen to it…

'Chase (from Miami Vice)' - Jan Hammer


Pick ‘n’ Mix:

Batman, immaturity, Clarence Cudgeon & Tarquin Karnak, Orange Bonce, Summer Holiday, Martini, The Sky At Night, The Art Of Parties, experiments in Time, assassination attempts, The Tripods, Earth Zombie Hell Grave Flesh Body Eater Snatchers, Fourth Dimension, Star Cops, spies from Scruplos, white rabbits, Celebrity Telly Addicts, caricatures, Shreddies, stereo ghosts, vegetarianism, The Psychotic Pineapple, poohing the bed, Marvel Comics, bogeymen, Not The Situation Collection, blow jobs, The Time Witch

‘Ritcherd is dead…’

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

NEXT TIME: ‘Bonus Pick ‘n’ Mix…’

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd and John Guilor

Sunday, 9 February 1986

Lines for Flash

Listening to ZZ Top.



Didn’t do loads today! Listened to the brilliant Annie Nightingale request show again tonight.


Flash rang to check in on what’s happening in the half term hols. I just hope Betty lets him come.
I bet it gets called off!

Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.
Please let Flash come down here in the hols.

He’s done some new Situation tapes, which is good. I’m still really into The Musical Compilation, but I also love ‘The Kentucky Fried Children Sketch’ on Art Of Parties and the version of ‘Bamboo Music’ on Alice’s Bedsocks.

Well, that’s about it!

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘Gosh! I’m absolutely pissed off right now…’

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

Saturday, 8 February 1986

A Valentine for Jayne

‘Hard Days Night’ – The Beatles



Yes! It snowed today! Skill!

Today, I went round Wisbech with Astra and Lizzie and Hazel Church. It was just like
the old days, when I first moved to The King Arthur (but without Claire Stubbs and hilarious laughter at Adam Ant dressed as a Cat). Eventually Jazz Thompson and Legs joined us.

I also saw BMW, but pretended not to and deliberately avoided her!

Oh, and Jazz shoplifted two Japan albums (on cassette) from Woolworth's. I had no idea he had done this, but when we got back to Blackberry Narrow he gave them to me 'for being a good mate'. I didn't know quite what to say, but I'm chuffed to have them: Adolescent Sex and Quiet Life.

Tonight, Jazz, Legs, Joey and I went round Wisbech. We got cider from BLACKFRIAR’S Off Licence and got drunk near Jayne’s. I delivered a Valentine’s card to Jayne’s house. She wasn’t in, but her brother said he’d give it to her (he’d better do!).

The card said:

‘This is to remind you that one year ago our love blossomed. This is to tell you of my love, which shall never die. You know who I am, so talk to me some time, One Time Comic Reader X’

We had a laugh, but I’m happy to get home to bed!

WHAT RITCHERD WAS UP TO A YEAR AGO


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

NEXT TIME: ‘I bet it gets called off!’