25 Years Too Late...

25 Years Too Late...

Friday, 31 January 1986

The Last of January

‘Lucky Number’ – Lene Lovich


Me, spotty, with my long mulletty crimp. Astra reaching up and crimping with both arms, teeth gritted. I have a nose like W C Fields, a jacket and a shirt…

It is the last of January, nineteen-hundred-and-eighty-sex – oops! – -six! as written by a closet fan of Silas J Simpkins and his lump of disgusting pooh!

Not really!

Today, my hair was crimped once again, but only lightly, so I expect it will be back to looking really shit and gay tomorrow for town. Oh well.

Me in my black slacks, black slip-ons and black smoking jacket. Behind me: stars and planets – my complexion in close-up…

Later:
‘Ocean Blue’ – ABC


Well, that’s it for January. It’s been an emotionally confusing start to ’86: in ‘love’ with Beatrice Miranda Wasp, but too fond of being with Astra Trellis, still admiring Jayne Tyler and enjoying treachorous episodes behind BMW’s back…

This month, I decided to take up an acting career and threw all my ideas of journalism on the fire. Also, my taste for ‘alternative’ music was slightly strengthened by my addiction to the Radio One Sunday Night Request Show

Whatever next?

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Thursday, 30 January 1986

Ackfab and Grooveswing!

‘Banqueting Music’ – Radiophonic Workshop


Guess what?!

Astra crimped my hair again today! And this time it looked loads brill! It looked Ackfab and Grooveswing!

I skived out of “Games”, saying I’d forgotten my kit, and in English we watched a TV production of Twelfth Night, which was good.


Maths was shit, so I won’t talk about that...

Gasp! Blackadder wasn’t on tonight. Is this the end for us all? Woe is me!

Oh, yes, guess what else I did? I wrote my diary! Acker, eh?

Britain’s No.1: ‘The Sun Always Shines on TV’ – a-ha

My No.1: ‘Pull Up To The Bumper’ – Grace Jones


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Wednesday, 29 January 1986

Fits Of Laughter with Astra

‘Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite’ – The Beatles


Once again, Astra crimped my hair – and Mrs Montgomery’s (our Drama teacher).

Drama was okay, but mostly because Astra and I were in fits of laughter as we always are.

I bought Smash Hits, which wasn’t all that good, ackcheloi.

You know, it’s not fair. I want some records, but can I afford them? I want ‘Ocean Blue’ 7- and 12-inch by ABC

‘Eloise’ 7-inch by The Damned, ‘Rise’ 7-inch by Public Image Ltd and ‘The Sun Always Shines On TV’ 7-inch by A-ha

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Tuesday, 28 January 1986

Space Shuttle Challenger Explodes

Britain’s Number One is still ‘The Sun Always Shines On TV’ by A-ha.


At school, Astra crimped my hair, which is getting longer now. I think it looks groovy, yet the crimp came out before 3.45pm – spastic fool!

Later:

Disaster! The Space Shuttle Challenger has exploded 72 seconds after take-off over Houston, Texas.

All 7 of the crew – including the first civilian astronaut – are dead. They have begun an inquiry into the cause of the explosion.


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Monday, 27 January 1986

Gay?

‘Don’t Look Down’ – David Bowie


Oh god! Babber pie! Today, Legs told me that I kissed him on Saturday night. God! Hah!

That shook you, didn’t it?

Nope. I am not Gay. No, quite the contrary, because I actually only kissed Legs on the shoulder. In a pissed frenzy, quite accidentally (and the bears!).

No, you widgy, ‘tis true!

Hey! Hey! Kate Bush’s new single is ‘The Hounds Of Love’ – it’s acker and pearler and I’m most dis-chuffed that I haven’t got it yet!


Pick ‘n’ Mix:
Cigarettes, Joan Collins, cider, Whistle Test, Phil Lynott, The Never-Ending Story, choirboys carrying candles, Black Lace, Maxell cassettes, Kraftwerk, nose boils, Frank Sinatra, Gone With The Wind, Herbie, The Ballad Of Halo Jones, Barry Manilow, upside down horses in snow, Whitney Houston, Judge Death, Sex Pistols, Judge Anderson, Robin Cousins, liqueur chocolates, Selina Scott, Clash Of The Titans, Catherine Oxenburg, lemonade, Mark Ellen, gin, stutter remixing, The Marx Brothers, Depeche Mode, Radio Times, Nostall, Ski Sunday, Bruce Springsteen, Last Of The Summer Wine, Garfield, It’s A Wonderful Life, Bob Dylan, Rocky 2, sparkling wine, depression, Kate Bush’s ‘Cloudbusting’ video.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Sunday, 26 January 1986

Bonnie Langford!

‘March Of The Cybermen’ – BBC Radiophonic Workshop


Look, chaps. I know I’m not really into Doctor Who at the moment, but guess who his new assistant is?

Bonnie Langford!

Aaargh! It is ruined now – forever!

Today, I did my Art homework. Amazing, eh? Nope!

I listened to Anne Nightingale’s radio show also, which was v. good!

Willy.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders/ Bonnie Langford picture TOTALLY owned by LWT, who are brilliant / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Saturday, 25 January 1986

Night On The Town

‘In The Shadows’ – The Stranglers


Night on the town, eh, lads?!

Oh! First off today, BMW walked out on her parents over her exam results! Her mum rang me wondering where she might be and was she at ours. I couldn’t help because I had to go to Norfolk College of Arts and Technology in King’s Lynn to see about an application (I hope to end up there this autumn).

They found Miranda later. She hadn’t gone far, but she rang to tell me she couldn’t come out tonite, which was a shame.

[I wanted to be with you alone – Ritcherd, June 1988 xxx]

Driving home from King’s Lynn, we picked Legs up at Walpole. He and I went into Wisbech, where we found Dave who more or less told us he couldn’t make it out tonight. When Jazz joined us, we came back to our house. I bathed while they read my comix.

Flash rang. He wants to stay down here in the hols.

Back in Wisbech, Joey joined us and we grabbed some booze from our usual Off Licence, BLACKFRIARS. Yes … we got totally and utterly pissed. Round by Jayne’s. I got Jazz to ask if she was in, but she wasn’t! Ach!

Later on, god knows where – possibly near the Smedley ’s factory – we played a truth game and discovered that we’d all be bisexual if it was trendy and AIDS didn’t exist.

Good laugh, today.

My No.1: ‘The Sun Always Shines on TV’ A-ha


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Friday, 24 January 1986

Nine Years From Now: 24/01/95

NINE YEARS FROM NOW…




Lincoln is beautiful. I came up on the train (listening to Suede, The The, Future Sound Of London, Portishead + The Cranberries) this morning. On arrival I was met by the glowing, fire-haired Eva, whose house is great. Her books (Byron, Burton, Nin) are excellent. She read and even sang to me this afternoon. We listened to Mozart and she showed me some incredible photos of herself. Most of them were erotic shots. She’s like Kate Bush at 18 – very erogenous. God, we even played with toy soldiers. It's nothing like being with Lili - it's a breath of much needed fresh air.

She has told me that she thinks I’m amazing.

Tonight, she’s cooking dinner. And after dinner? Well, who knows…

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

Thursday, 23 January 1986

About Me...

‘She’s In Parties’ – Bauhaus


ABOUT ME…

I wear pyjamas. I hate briefs because they’re too tight. I’d like to use a video camera. 1985 was a good year. My best friend is Flash, although I doubt he feels that way about me. I’d like a new stereo. I want to be an actor. This year’s big plans: do my O-levels, have a big holiday and go to college (I’m not sure I’ll pass my exams, though). I feel a growing rift between myself and my new parental unit (Betty and Freddie have been less fun since Jack moved back). My first word of 1986 was ‘widgy’. Which is a shame, because I had hoped it would be ‘poohbag’. I’m hyperactive and noisy. I get very drunk on lager. I like sausage rolls. I don’t take sugar in my hot drinks. I love Beatrice Miranda Wasp, but I’m also oddly obsessed with Jayne Amelia Tyler. I think Astra Trellis is one of the best friends I’ve ever made. I fancy Sadie Wolf and Nicky Brown – a lot (so much it makes my groin ache just to think of them). I am allowed to swear at home – FUCK. I’m going for a wee-wee.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Wednesday, 22 January 1986

Seven Years From Now: 22/01/93

SEVEN YEARS FROM NOW…‘In today’s first performance of The Gingerbread Man, Colin (as Salt) had his head smashed open, live on stage, by the giant teacup. Being a pro', he went on with the show - his white sailor’s hat rapidly turning red. In his stripey blue and white top he looked like he’d just walked out of a butcher’s. Or, as Kat said, a meat packing factory. We both got a bit queasy about it. My thumbs went funny, too, just like they do when I see operations on the telly. It was a worrying thing to witness. Despite this, he stayed on for the second show (both shows were actually very good), before being taken away for more stitches to his head than he'd probably like…

My No.1: ‘Re: Evolution’ – The Shamen

Other stuff I’m into: The Bonzo Dog Band, Wire, Morrissey/The Smiths, The Yardbirds, St Etienne, Nine Inch Nails, Adam & the Ants, The Damned, Radiophonic Workshop, Joy Division and U2.

I'm home tonight, so Lili’s staying over. I’m sure she hates me because I’m never about these days. But that’s the life of an actor. In a few months I’ll be under her feet, desperate for a bloody job…’


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

Tuesday, 21 January 1986

The Sun Always Shines On TV

‘May the Cube Be With You’ – Thomas Dolby


Norfolk
Education Committee
Wetlands High School

Headmaster
MR K. BURLEIGH, M.A.


Dear Mr. & Mrs Winterfood,
I have made a few enquiries today regarding Ritcherd’s future. It seems to me that the easiest way of getting sorted out would be for you to make contact with both N.O.R.C.A.T. and the Isle of Ely College and make an appointment with the Head of the Drama department. I don’t know the name of the woman at N.O.R.C.A.T. but at the Isle of Ely it’s Dan Taylor. What you want is i) a course description; ii) a chance for the three of you to talk to the Head of department and iii) an opportunity to view the studio and the facilities. I would have arranged an appointment for you but I don’t know when you’re free.

I spoke to Mr. Wilson, our Head of Careers, and he said that he wanted the information by next Thursday as apparently the colleges will soon be closing their courses, as all the places will be filled, so it’s essential to move quickly.

If I can be of any further assistance, please don’t hesitate to phone me. May I take this opportunity of saying what a pleasure it was to talk to you last evening. I have seen Ritcherd today and he assures me he will not forget to pass this letter on – it’s quicker if I send this with him, seeing as how time is so short.

Yours Sincerely

Tina Montgomery

Britain’s Number One is ‘The Sun Always Shines On TV’ by a-ha...

...which is as it should be.

[Bum your BrotheR!!!]

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Monday, 20 January 1986

Parents' Evening

‘Catholic Day’ – Adam & the Ants


Billy.

My Parents’ Evening tonight! Betty and Freddie saw Mrs Montgomery, who reckons I should do Drama A-Level and work towards applying for RADA! They also saw the new headmaster, Mr Burleigh and Mr Dixon (“Games”), but apparently everybody’s pretty chuffed wiv me!

In other news, Flash’s cats have pissed on his Man From Del Monte record and he’s apologised to me for making a verbal attack on the Situation tape Nuclear Campaign Against Ritcherd. His favourite tipple is Sherry & Lemonade. Once, on a visit to the Yorkshire Show, he fought the overwhelming urge to kick a bull in the testicles. He (probably) fancies Astra Trellis.

The Return Of…

Pick ‘n’ Mix:

‘America’ by Prince, London, phone calls, The New Pervy Play, Anti-Nowhere League, ‘Constipated Llama at Sunset’ by Nancy Nagasakiyoko, Syd Barrett, Conservative government, pink knickers, Blackpool, Mister Evil, Germany, Arthur Prewitt, Visage, piglets, Chequers Close, vandalism, Boy George, Bach, Madonna’s mouth and chin, Yellow Magic Orchestra, Agatha Batley, The Situation’s 1985 Booty Bag, Sigue Sigue Sputnik, Iraq, Johnny Dickens, The Supergrass soundtrack LP, Mr Twurly, 3-2-1, The Angel Gabriel, large breasts, Pontefract & Castleford Express, Moira Blackthorne, Artists United Against Apartheid, phlegm-curdling, Arthur Scargill, Yorkshire/Botswana Towde Records, Top Of The Pops, Uncle Poohbag, The Stranglers, cancer, Astra Trellis, caffeine, Elliot ‘Elbow’ Barlow, cocaine, The Bible, the SDP/Liberal Alliance, Sgt Love & Constable Rizla, Oxford, censorship, Neil Tennant, topless brunettes, Toshiba, Bill Nelson…

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

Sunday, 19 January 1986

Ten Years From Now: 19/01/96

TEN YEARS FROM NOW…
‘Handed in my Philosophy essay. Only one week until the end of my first semester at University – hard to believe I’m even here.

I’m going into London with Lili tomorrow…’


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

Saturday, 18 January 1986

Lost-Again Virginity

‘When Your Dream of Perfect Beauty Comes True’ – Bill Nelson


A great day!

Tonight, Cheggers, Joey, Human Beatbox, Jazz, Miranda (BMW), Noreen and I went to a private Fire Station Disco (to which we’d all been invited), but it was SHIT, so we went round town drinking cider from The Blackfriars’ Off Licence and getting pissed.

Even though it was raining, BMW and I went elsewhere for own dirty deeds.

She looked great in her purple outfit and her trilby. Her skirt was short and her legs looked great in dark tights. I also like her in heels.


We went to the park and agreed that this was The Right Time.

We kissed and played with each other, until finally she peeled her tights down and straddled me as I sat on a bench against a huge, sheltering tree. It was very hard and tight, and she was often in pain but we finally had sex. BMW lost her virginity to me, and I lost mine – properly – for the first time as a teenager.

BMW cried, and I held her. We kissed and talked and it was great.

We teamed up with the others afterwards, and it was a good laugh.

We intend repeating this acker situation next week…

hullo, freaks!

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Friday, 17 January 1986

Ten Years From Now: 17/01/1996

Ten Years From Now...

'Shave Me' - Powder


HAND IN LITERATURE ESSAY TODAY.

MUST WRITE EDUCATION PLAN AND PHILOSOPHY ESSAY.


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

 

Next time: ‘Back to 1986…’

Thursday, 16 January 1986

Ten Years From Now: 16/01/1996

Ten Years From Now...

'Raoul and the Kings of Spain' - Tears For Fears


MUST WRITE LITERATURE ESSAY.


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

 

Next time: ‘More from the future…’

Wednesday, 15 January 1986

Shitshifters: One Year On

My No.1: ‘Frozen Faces (Echo)’ – Propaganda



This time last year Jabba...

...and I recorded some more Shitshifters songs.

By the way! We can’t find that tape now! Tut!

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Special thanks to Jason Bell

Tuesday, 14 January 1986

In A Year Or Two...

‘You Trip Me Up’ – Jesus and Mary Chain


Britain’s No.1 is still ‘West End Girls’ by the Pet Shop Boys.

[SOD ME SILLY! IN MAY 1988, I’LL BE EXPERIENCING SOME STRANGE EMOTIONS. SO DON’T WORRY. THIS DAMN THING GETS BETTER – JEZ ’88 x]

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Monday, 13 January 1986

Like Fuck!

‘Eleanor Rigby’ – The Beatles


My diary entry for this time last year:

‘Snowed like hell. Still waiting for my Ro-Busters book to arrive.’

Snowed ‘like hell’?

‘Like hell’?

‘Like fuck!’ more like!

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Sunday, 12 January 1986

May 1988 Trailer

[See May 1988 for:

VINCENZO, SUZI & NATALIA WNEK
includes the song: ‘Soul Sister, Soul Brother’ – Jez, ‘88]

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Saturday, 11 January 1986

The Supergrass

‘Imagination’ – Belouis Some



Tonight, BMW and I went to Wisbech cinema to see The Supergrass.


That film is brilliant.
The Comic Strip are great – especially Adrian Edmondson and Alexei Sayle. I even got to see Jennifer Saundersbreasts. Brilliant.

Afterwards, BMW - who looked gorgeous - and I wandered around town and then found a secluded, rain-soaked, orange-lit alley near the library in which to strut our funky stuff. We kissed passionately, and I fingered her, which was wonderful. She was really horny and wanted to have sex, but just as we started to get close, it was time for me to catch my lift and be taken home!

SHITTTTT!

ooh?

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Friday, 10 January 1986

Getting Of With Carol Ransome

‘Hope For The Heartbeat’ – Bill Nelson


Tonight, I went to the Roller Skating Disco (and just to restate, this is the disco that takes place after the actual skating - we don't skate), which was SHIT! As usual now. I suppose it was okay for the jest, though. I didn’t get pissed, because that can be boring. Treacherously (i.e. behind BMW's back) I 'went' with Carol Ransome (whom I briefly went out with in Summer ’84). Just for old times’ sake, I suppose. Oh well. You only live once!

Eh?

If you disagree then you'd better stop reading this diary.


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Thursday, 9 January 1986

I Am The Walrus

My No.1: ‘I Am The Walrus’ – The Beatles


A fat walrus, and next to it walrus pooh. Steaming…

Tell me, how does it feel to be beautiful? [SO-SO! “Shayte”]

I have wonderful bunch of new comics, including the excellent Amazing Spider-Man 273

…the very good New Mutants 36 and Marvel Tales 184

…and the beautiful Uncanny X-Men 202.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Wednesday, 8 January 1986

Jack Returns

'The Art Of Parties' - Japan


My diary for this time last year says:

‘It is the first day back at school and Dave is arguing with Joey on the snow and ice. They push and thrust like infants until Dave falls over and bangs his head on concrete and ice. There is no blood, only bony numbness and a trip to hospital...'

Dave actually had temporary amnesia when he did that.

[“BiG fecKin’ Deal!!” said Berwin 1988]

Today, my brother Jack left Nostall and ‘returned’ to live with us at Blackberry Narrow as he didn’t like it at his dad’s.

SEE?

Two eyeballs looking to the right (page left?)!

NO? HUH!!

[coming soon: “shit” ]

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Tuesday, 7 January 1986

The Girl I Should Never Have Lost?

'Jump The Broomstick’ – Coast To Coast


Britain’s Number One is finally ‘West End Girls’ by the Pet Shop Boys.

The first day back at school. I think I only survived it because I saw Astra Trellis. We talked about how we feel for one another – which is a deep respect, I think. We also talked about our values and ideals.

The best thing about today was catching the bus. I was forced to catch it from Wisbech Bus Station at about 8.15am, as I was a little late in getting ready. Once at the Station, I discovered that over Christmas the timetable had been changed – and the next bus was due to arrive at 10.25am (you see, the bus service around here is shit!). So, I bravely decided to wait it out.

And today, during that wait, I saw HER! The most beautiful girl in the world (excepting BMW). My old flame from 1985 – the best of the girls I ever loved that I should never have lost: Jayne Amelia tyler

… this, of course, made my day! But that was it. I said hello and she replied in the same way. But it was enough for me! She is gorgeous. Why did we have to finish?! Why? Funny, y’know, I remember when she finished with me, I cried like bugger! I told myself, ‘She can’t finish with me!’ I was trying to convince myself that it was like a divorce, and that I had to agree with her finishing, which I didn’t… But then it finished. I’d love to talk to her again – more than a hello – but I daren’t.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Monday, 6 January 1986

Maintenance

Bamboo Houses’ - David Sylvian & Ryuichi Sakamoto


Went to Pontefract Court for a raise in my maintenance from my Dad.

Afterwards, I bought some blank cassettes from Boots and went to Aunty Vi’s where I helped her clean up the house.

Tonight we returned home to Wisbech (crap-bastard area) St Mary.

If you are reading this long after 1986, then I’m sorry this bit of my life is crap and bor-ing!!!

[HELLO, NATALIA!! It gets better + more pervy + awfully crude! – Jez, 1988]

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Sunday, 5 January 1986

Jack Under Pressure

‘Baby, You’re A Rich Man’ – The Beatles


Betty, Freddie and I went to Nostall to pick Jack up for the day. We brought him to Gran Pritchard’s, where we discovered he’d been put under pressure by his new family – not so much Paul, as Nina and the kids – not to come out with us on Sundays. Betty was furious and something’s going to be done about it.

I’m staying at Grandma Pritchard’s tonight.

COMMANDO!

DAVROS!
(BUT I DOUBT THEY WILL!)

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Saturday, 4 January 1986

Swing

‘Swing’ – Japan


Today we came to Ponty! I’m at Flash’s.



We didn’t start our ‘Submarine’ project, but we decided to clear the decks for it by finishing the whole Billy Arseburp Ballbag Association, National Union of Satanists and Yorkshire Towde story. We did it the easy way and killed all the characters off.

We’ve killed ‘em all!
Har!
Har!


Yes, folks, I am …
RITCHERD
WINTERFOOD
!!!


Two versions of that classic head I draw. Y’know, the shadowy long neck and the quiffy hair…

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]
Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

Friday, 3 January 1986

Yellow Submarine

'Tender Is The Night' - Bill Nelson


Look, look, I’m sorry, but this isn’t working, is it?

No!

Well, here goes, anyway!

Today upon TV, I bore witness to a fabulous film starring The Beatles: Yellow Submarine, which is fabulously acker!

I’ve now decided I want to do a Sgt. Pepper of The Situation.

Flash rang and he’s had more or less the same idea. We are going to start tomorrow, hopefully!

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]
Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

Thursday, 2 January 1986

And Then, One Can Only Hope...

Listening to The Beatles.


Britain’s No.1: ‘Merry Christmas, Everyone’ – Shakin’ Stevens


My No.1: ‘Coffee Homeground’ – Kate Bush


Today was rather boring also!

Mind you, I bought this fortnight’s Smash Hits with its review of 1985.

Tonight I watched The Comic Strip Presents: Private Enterprise.


Really good.

And then, one can only hope…

Me, attempting to draw like Bill Sienkiewicz, and failing…


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Wednesday, 1 January 1986

New Year's Day 1986

[‘I thought I saw God, but told myself it wasn’t true…’ – Ritcherd, Dec 27, 1986]

…and 1985 was no more – never to be again!

1986
YEAR OF
THE TIGER


[“the 1980 Kicks Show”]
The really-crappy-shitty and boring
Diary of Ritcherd Winterfood – 1986!


Yes! The bells chimed at 12am, and 1985 fucked off elsewhere as in stepped 1986. We, who were spending New Year’s at the Sunset Rooms in Wisbech St Mary, sang ‘Auld Lang Syne’; about a thousand of us altogether. And I was tape-recording it! The jollity continued after the celebrations, but I sat down, almost pissed but not quite. I was just upon the precipice.

The rest of the night/morning flew by, with myself still tape-recording. At the end of the entertainments (about 1.30am), Sally, Tony, Jock and Marlene came back to Blackberry Narrow (our bungalow) for coffee.

After they had gone, Betty and Freddie went to bed. I recorded some record trax before going to bed myself.

Later, when I got up again, it was the basically boring first day of 1986. Kier (the girl next door) came round and that’s about the most exciting thing that happened – and that wasn’t exciting!

‘Coffee Homeground’ – Kate Bush


Accomplishments of ’85:
Finding the true me; learning to enjoy life and not be serious, because seriousness can kill; the creation of Situation: Hopeless with Flash.

Highlights of ’85:

Jayne, Flash.

Record of ’85:
'Cloudbusting'  by Kate Bush


LP of ’85:

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles 



A: Do you like liqueur chocolates?
B: Yes.
A: Well here’s a box to keep ‘em in.

Good, eh? Loads of space and not a lot to say!

A giant blue eye...

WiLLY


Predictions for ’86:

A poisoned supply of some edible product will cause a scare [Shitcake]
A major international skirmish [Gadaffi poohs on Thatch/Libya vs. US]
More riots [Supermarkets run out of beans]
Resignation of certain MPs [Heseltine/Britton]
Water shortage in summer [Ritcherd drinks it all]
FGTH not making Top Five [They all die]
A really crap Christmas Number One [Berwin Groomstool’s new 7-inch]
The Queen becomes quite ill [Berwin wees in mouth]
Ronnie Barker will die [or Berwin Groomstool will]*
I will go through a major physical or mental trauma
One of my relations or friends will die
Major assassination attempt [q. a few!]
Emergence of a great new pop group
[Sputnik? The Mission? Sisterhood? Nephilim? Berwin Groomstool’s All-Stars?]

So predicts Ritcherd!

*[OOPS, he’s not been invented yet.
Ritcherd – in a time warp – ‘88]

Thank you for a good year, pop chums!

I wonder if I’ll get these diaries published?

Hello – anybody out there?

Sorry about the bits where I got bored…

Like this:

An outline of a phallus, labelled: ‘Phallus’…

A thick-necked brute of a man, with kind eyes and a crucifix...

Billy
Billy
Arse
burp
ball
bag
Show
!!!!

Spider-Man but with massive teeth, spinning a wet and gooey web…

oh?

Personal predictions for ’86:

Failure to go to NORCAT (college).
Failing all my exams.
I will go through a major physical or mental trauma. [BMW! Jen + Alice – Ritcherd, 1987]
One of my relations, friends or even I will die.
Falling out with a good friend [Flash… but friends again. Astra Trellis.]

Me, with spots, mullet, shirt collar and tie, saying: Pretty scary, huh?

[Ritcherd Dec ’86, saying: I hate you.]

So predicts Ritcherd the doomy!
DEATH

Marked
for
destruction

Me, mulleted and stubbly – wispy – looking a state but as the arrow pointing to me says, it’s just ‘flattery’...

only in death shall we find ultimate peace…

My Love of the Wasp…

[THE STORY BEHIND IT ALL?

‘All The Young Dudes’ – David Bowie



In 1985, Ritcherd Winterfood decided to keep an exceedingly detailed day-by-day account of his life, instead of the boring, basic Collins diaries he had kept – on and off – since 1983.

The Diary of Ritcherd Winterfood 1985, as it was called, took the guise of four exercise books containing a fairly regular account of Ritcherd’s life and was indeed better than any previous journal he had written – or it seemed so at the time. Ritcherd didn’t find it very interesting. He felt that he should try again in 1986, which he hoped would be an interesting year of dramatic change in his life, due to his leaving school…

And so, the product of 1986 is before you. It has indeed been an interesting year, so interesting that by the end of it, due to events recounted much later, Ritcherd is on the verge of identity problems, worrying for his future and his mind – hence the Bowie-inspired subtitle of The 1980 Kicks Show.

Why kicks?

Because hopefully you’ll get kicks out of reading it, or be kicked like me by the horrible world!

It is not a book by me, but by myself – a persona. Ritcherd Winterfood. Final production is currently taking place during a dramatic change, for I am in a twilight world, without love, with only the ideal of DEATH to embrace – WINTERFOOD, Dec 28th ‘86]

Later:

Watched The Comic Strip Presents: Consuela tonight. It was okay.



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]