Road to Nowhere

‘Ghostbusters’ – Ray Parker Jr


Dave, John Bonner and I skived the afternoon off school because all the other groups got off due to the strikes – except ours. We cycled off down some country roads and found a pension book. We found the address of the old lady who lost it and returned it to her.

Bonner and I went down to his house. I’ve never really hung about with him, but he’s a good kid.

Tonight: the brilliant Happy Families. Absolutely hilarious and the best so far. I loved it.


OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 6 years ago:
‘Watched another episode of the brilliant and scary Quatermass.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Drama Mocks

‘Doctor Who’ – Mankind


Drama Mock Exams started today! Gach! Worry! Worry! Worry!

Drama is good, actually!

A letter from school to my Mum:

Dear Mrs Winterfood,

I am writing to inform you that, once again, Ritcherd does not have the correct books with him for his Maths lesson. It has been a continuous struggle this term to ensure that he has the correct books. As you are doubtless aware, Mathematics is an important subject and it is essential that classwork and homework are recorded in an exercise book which can be used for revision purposes, rather than pieces of paper which are inevitably lost. I hope that you will co-operate in ensuring that Ritcherd brings his books to school and does not damage his chances in external examinations by carelessness.

Yours sincerely,

S. E. Wright

Mrs S. E. Wright
Teacher of Mathematics

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 9 years ago:
‘I watched Doctor Who: The Deadly Assassin (Part One).’


This time 5 years ago:
‘I got issue one of Marvel’s Valour and Future Tense comics from the parade.

I also bought another issue of Smash Hits to help with my school Pop Music project.

This one had pictures and articles about Adam and the Ants, Madness and Hazel O’Connor.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones / Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Toilet Attendant

‘Trapped’ – Colonel Abrams


Today, I took the piss out of Cheggers and fat-chinned, spotty Jabba. Well? What is life for, I ask you?

Mr Locke, the Head of Maths is fed up of me because I’m in the top Year Group but I’m not working hard enough. I don’t think that’s my fault – I’m only in the top group because I’m good at English. I know I’m no good at Maths. I find it really difficult. Locke says I think I can ‘sail through’ my Maths O-level just because I’ve got my English O-level. He’s wrong. I resent that English O-level because it puts me in Maths Group 1! Twat! I’m no good at Maths! He says I’m going to be a toilet attendant when I grow up. Bastardizer!

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 8 years ago:
‘I watched Doctor Who: Image Of The Fendahl (Part One).’


This time last year:
‘As Mum and George have gone to Pontefract, I decided to take the day off school. I ate some cheese crackers from downstairs and rang Gran and Granddad Winterfood.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

The Return to School

‘Rain’ – The Cult


The Return To School. It wasn’t bad, but R.E., Art and Typing really pissed me off.

Mock Exams soon. Worry! Worry! Worry!

Dog babber smeared all over your teeth.

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 8 years ago:
‘Watched Doctor Who: The Stones Of Blood (Part One) (at Aunty Vi’s).’


This time last year:
‘I watched Tenko on TV – a brilliant series.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Gardening

‘The Hooded Man’ – Clannad


Today I mowed and raked the lawn to pay back Freddie for the ABC LP (in labour). Smashing or what?

Mum and Freddie had an argument about something, but eventually made up.

I have decided I am very anti-Tory.

Pick ‘n’ Mix:
David Sylvian, Billy Idol, Robin Of Sherwood, Sex Pistols, Nik Kershaw, Eurythmics, Danny Chegwin, Neil, the 1984 Miner’s Strike, Peter Gabriel, Pearl & Dean, Lenny Henry, Rambo, Hong Kong Phooey, Stan Flowers, Opal Fruits, Alexei Sayle, stutter remixing, Paul Hardcastle, Grace Jones, Jabba, Yorkshire chip shop chips, EastEnders, Howard Jones, a-ha, Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Jazz (Big Ears) Thompson, SRB Hot Dogs, Malcolm McLaren, Tales From The Crypt LP, Hitler, Igor Smegdoss, Human Beatbox, Mel Smith, Wilbo Nagasakiyoko, The Beatles, K9 and Company, Andrew Sachs, ‘Waking the Witch’, Uncle Creepy, Joey, The Bishop of Darkness, ‘Billy!’, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, King Cone, Toerag, Clannad, dreams (like the one in which I was attacked by a giant venom-spitting dog-ferret), dog babber, Glenn Miller’s ‘In The Mood’, Japan, Kenny Everett, Nick Cotton, Marvel Comics, The Five Doctors, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Michelle Fowler’s pregnancy, Opposition, Kate Bush, Ray Parker Jr, Margaret Thatcher, Art Of Noise, Mankind, Happy Families, Kraftwerk, Geoff Love, The Young Ones, Chilli Con Carne (‘Ready in a can!’) adverts.

Wooloomooloo! Portak! Blah-blah-café!

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 11 years ago:
‘I watched Planet of the Apes: The Trap.’


This time 6 years ago:
‘A new Doctor Who story begins: The Creature From The Pit (Part One).’


This time last year:
‘I watched Spider-Man on TV.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Bugger Me

‘All You Need Is Love’ – The Beatles


Scandal! Gossip!

I went into Wisbech today, trying to present the new image. I didn’t wear the Jaeger smoking jacket, though, just the groovy paisley tie and gold scarf and my new grey and black striped woolly shirt. I bought the ‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)’ 7-inch by Eurythmics and two girlie magazines.


Tonight I helped Freddie do some more work on building the bedroom wall! Bugger me!*

*Ouch! I didn’t mean literally bugger me – it’s just an expression. I was knackered!

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 4 years ago:
‘Watched Blake’s 7: Animals…

…It was okay.’

This time last year:

'Got my UK Spider-Man comic, which was unusually crap.'

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones / Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

How to be a ... Zillionaire!

Listening to ABC.


Mum and I went to Newport Pagnell with Freddie in his work lorry (he was making some deliveries for his business). On the way, we listened to How To Be A Zillionaire. Well, Mum’s an ABC fan now!

Tonight, I went to Skating in a groovy new paisley tie, a gold scarf and Freddie’s silky black smoking jacket (again). I saw Joey (who goes out with Fiona Smallbeer once more) but didn’t get drunk. Control or what?

OLD DIARY ENTRIES:

This time 11 years ago:
‘I got Planet of the Apes Weekly issue 1.’


This time 10 years ago:
‘I watched Doctor Who: Pyramids Of Mars (Part One).’


This time 7 years ago:
‘I got Star Wars Weekly 38.’


This time 6 years ago:

‘I got Doctor Who Weekly no.3!’

[My Mum would later irreparably damage the cover of this issue in one of her ‘cleaning frenzies’ which usually entailed getting annoyed with me for having a supposedly messy room and responding by chucking everything in the middle of it – regardless of whether things got smashed, broken or ripped, which they often did – and making me tidy it up – Ritcherd, 1998]

This time 5 years ago:
‘I watched the new Doctor Who story: Full Circle (Part One).’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Strip Poker and Playing to Lose

‘Legs’ – Art of Noise


Up at 10.30am today, regretting all the booze we drank last night! We were awoken by visitors to Stan’s house: Sally Foster, Jo Brownlow, Tracey Brownlow and Janet Joy. We all played an ace game of strip poker. Janet and I lost (!), but then I usually play to lose. It was great to see the girls getting down to their underwear. I should hang out with Stan and Cheggers more often.

Later, we visited Tia’s house. I say her house because she wasn’t actually in it! Too bad (she’s gorgeous).

Back home, I received my new glasses, which I have to wear because I’m slightly short-sighted. Adrian Mole, eat your arse out!

Tonight, I went to Peterborough with Mum and Freddie, where Freddie bought me the new ABC LP, How To Be A Zillionaire (on cassette for the Xtra trax).

I also bought the new Art Of Noise single, ‘Legs’ (on Chrysalis, as they’ve left ZTT – Hooray!).

We ate at Barnaby’s restaurant.

We got back just in time for Happy Families part two, which was great.


My No. 1: ‘Election Day’ – Arcadia


OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time six years ago:
‘I watched the brilliant but really scary first episode of Quatermass.’


This time last year:
‘I stayed up really late tonight, as Mum and George have gone to see a show.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Astra Trellis

‘I Second that Emotion’ – Japan


TODAY IS THE DAY.

WE HAVE WAITED MONTHS FOR THIS.

Tonight is The Party Of Cheggers.

Stan, Cheggers and I visited Tia Purdey and told her all about the Ouija we did last night.

Oh! Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, Flash Gordon! Happy Birthday to yooou! (and the Bears!)

Later:

The Party Of Cheggers was good (at Tilney village hall) . I didn’t get off with anyone – so what?

I did, however, make a new friend in Astra Trellis.

I’ve known of her for years, but we’ve never really spoken, and recently she’s been doing interesting things with her image. She’s kind of ‘alternative’ with backcombed hair and quite artistic – but also very shy, I think. Just lately I’ve found myself noticing her around school more and I’ve become intrigued by her. I like her sense of individuality and freedom of expression. She’s broken free of the norm. I wish I could be as brave as that. Anyway, I was pissed as hell and told Dave to ask her out for me. She said, ‘no!’ As the night developed, Beef (an obnoxious and very, very big scooter lad) tried to chat her up and it was clear that she wasn’t interested, but he carried on hassling her. She looked quite uncomfortable and a bit intimidated, so I stepped in and told him to piss off. He was big enough to kick me around the room, but I felt Astra (cool name!) deserved to have someone stand up for her and was willing to take him on. But off he went, not a word. Astra and I chatted for quite a bit – about music, mostly, and David Sylvian especially. She told me she was grateful to me for getting rid of Beef. We got on really well and I think we’re going to be friends. I like her pale, angular face and her sense of humour. She’s a very sensitive and articulate individual and a bit of an inspiration, to be honest.

Later, I got even more pissed and managed to punch my fist through a door. I am a twat.

Good party, though, and Cheggers’ trousers are covered in muddy water stains. Strange.

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 9 years ago:
‘I watched Doctor Who: The Hand Of Fear (Part Four).’


This time last year:
‘Still up in Pontefract. I went to see old school friends Birdy and Arundel. It was good to see them both. Birdy used to be my best mate and I used to sit next to Arundel in Environmental Science (one of my best subjects at Carleton; when the teacher got my exam results he said, ‘What are you doing in Form 24? You should be in 21 or 22’). I remember Arundel calling the Doctor Who story Enlightenment ‘Enlightentment’ which I loved. Arundel’s collected over a hundred British Spider-Man comics. He gave me them all today. I was amazed.’










[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones / Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Stan and Cheggers

‘Here Comes The Sun’– The Beatles


Joey came to our house this morning...

He said he was here to read some of my comix, but I could feel it in my bones that he wanted to bore the shit out of me! So I left him to it in my bedroom and went into the village to buy a Melody Maker.

Apparently Art of Noise have left ZTT records.

Who have they left it to, I wonder?

This evening, I came to stay at Stan (curly fringe, snub nose, cigarette in mouth) Flowers’ place (called Badger House) in Tilney St Lawrence. I’m here till Thursday, and so is Danny Chegwin as it is nearer to Cheggers’ party venue tomorrow nite! I like this village of theirs, y’know!

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 8 years ago:
‘I watched Doctor Who: The Invisible Enemy (Part Four).’


This time last year:
‘The family and I drove up to Pontefract, but as the car broke down near Doncaster, we got to Gran Pritchard’s late.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Dreams Gone Wrong

‘Take On Me’ – a-ha


Last night’s dream: I was in a pleasure/leisure centre of some sort, and I realised that the soup-vending machine (very important to me, it seemed) had been removed. It had been replaced with a peanut vendor. Somehow, I then ended up rooting about in the centre’s kitchens…

Thrilling, eh?

[You bastard, why didn’t you go and see BMW today and have mad, passionate sex?! Why didn’t you have lots of other good times?! You’ll get your comeuppance for all this neglect in March ’86, You Bastard. And you’ll still feel the after-effects – a real lot – in April ’87, You Stupid C*nt.

All my love, Jez (Ritcherd two years from now!), April ‘87]

OLD DIARY ENTRIES:

This time 8 years ago:
‘Watched Doctor Who: The Pirate Planet (Part Four) at Aunty Vi’s.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/ Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]