25 Years Too Late...

25 Years Too Late...

Wednesday, 31 July 1985

Yorkshire Decision

'In Too Deep' - Dead Or Alive


Instead of going back to East Anglia today (I had the chance of a lift) I’ve decided to stay in Yorkshire a few more days ‘to have a laugh’ with Flash and Make-Up.

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

About this time 3 years ago:

‘My report for Summer:

CARLETON
HIGH SCHOOL

GENERAL COMMENT

NAME RITCHERD JONES
FORM 14
NO. OF TIMES LATE 14
NO. OF TIMES ABSENT 40

When he is interested he works with will and purpose. A capable pupil who has much to offer. A cheerful, well behaved boy.
E. Walsh FORM TEACHER

Ritcherd has made a satisfactory beginning but he does need to make greater efforts in some subjects.
M. Barry
YEAR HEAD

25 Merit Points

MATHEMATICS
MARK 23% (31st out of 35)
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 39.4%

HISTORY
MARK
61%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 35%
A promising start.

METALWORK
MARK 50%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 54%
A good result. I wish he would try as hard with practical work.

WOODWORK
MARK 38%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 43%
Ritcherd could do better if he concentrated.

FRENCH
MARK
58%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 50%
Good.

ENGLISH
MARK
65%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET
54%
A good performance. Ritcherd can feel quite pleased with this result.

R.E.
MARK
28%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 27%

GEOGRAPHY
MARK
31%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET
29.6%

SCIENCE
MARK
45%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 37%
Ritcherd’s ability is often wasted. His exam result is reasonable, much of his classwork has not been.

MUSIC
MARK
58%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET
52%
Ritcherd did particularly well in the aural part of the examination.

This time 2 years ago:
‘We all went down to Grandma Pritchard’s for Sunday dinner. One of Mum’s old friends from when we lived in Nostall came over and they did some great baking!’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Tuesday, 30 July 1985

Make-Up

‘Julia’ – Eurythmics


I left Flash’s today, more than a bit pissed off with his parents!

By total coincidence, as I walked up Flash’s street, I bumped into old Carleton High School mate Make-Up who was up in Yorkshire from Sussex for the holidays. We went for a coffee and a good old catch up, which got me out of my bad mood. I haven’t seen him since Christmas - very briefly - and we haven't spent much time together in almost 2 years, but we got on really well. Better than ever, in fact.

Make-Up used to be part of the old gang with Birdy, Pickle and me. He was a bit of a legend at school because everyone thought he was gay and a bit of a weed (he got his nickname from having rosy red cheeks, pretty red lips and dazzling blue eyes), but he proved everybody wrong by being brilliantly funny and well able to handle himself. He and I once had a scrap and he smacked me in the eye with his violin case. On another occasion, he asked the teacher if he could go to the loo and the teacher refused to let him out of class, so he pulled his cock out and pissed all over the classroom floor. I went out with his sister for a bit. She was in the year above us. He also got me into Christianity last year, something I am now happy to say I have left behind.

Anyway. As Flash’s been forbidden to come down to Wisbech by his parents (I turn him into ‘a beast’, apparently) I asked Make-Up if he’d like come and stay with me at what will soon be my new home: Blackberry Narrow in Wisbech St Mary. He doesn’t have to be back in Sussex for a bit, so he says he may well come.

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 2 years ago:
‘I went to Aunty Edie’s and Grandma Pritchard’s.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Monday, 29 July 1985

Bad for Flash

Listening to Sid Vicious.


Flash and I saw Arundel.

Flash’s parents have told Flash he can’t stay for the rest of the summer at my home. They have officially barred him from coming back to Wisbech with me. As I understand it, they think I am bad for him. They like me, but apparently they were disgusted with me for getting him drunk in June. Actually, it wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve found his diary and read about his true feelings for me.

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 5 years ago:
‘I got Doctor Who Weekly 42.’


This time 2 years ago:
‘I got a Marilyn Monroe postcard and Return of the Jedi Weekly number 7 from town.’


This time last year:
‘I got the Spider-Man Summer Special with the story Heroes and Villains, and Return of the Jedi Weekly 59.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Sunday, 28 July 1985

The Phoenix Dies

Listening to Billy Idol.


God, what is happening to my mind?

[YOUR MIND DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST AT THIS POINT IN TIME. DON’T WORRY THO’, RITCHERD, IT’LL BE HERE BY THE END OF 1986.

LOOK OUT FOR 1987 – IT’S A BASTARD!

1988’S CHUFFING GREAT, THOUGH.

AND FOR WHY?

SUZI IS ONE GOOD POINT. DID SHE REALLY –

YOU KNOW WHAT?!

YOU DON’T SAY!?

All my love –
WINTERFOOD, May 1988]

Flash and I have been recording our own Doctor Who spoofs on tape, including one called The Phoenix Dies, based on a ‘serious’ Doctor Who story I wrote.


OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 2 years ago:
‘I played out late and missed Top of the Pops.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd.

Saturday, 27 July 1985

Best Friends



Today, I bought No1 magazine for the articles on Claudia Brücken and Frankie in Japan (with reader/reporter Joanne Harland). It also had stuff on Nik Kershaw, Mainframe, The Cure, Billy Idol, and Dead Or Alive

…It’s not as good as Smash Hits, though.

I came to stay at Flash’s. We've been listening to Tears For Fears.


I am now officially moving in with Mum and Freddie. I will be going back there soon, but they’ve suggested I invite Flash over for a week or so if I want. So I have, and he’s keen to come and stay, which is great.

I love seeing Flash and spending time with him. We have such a good laugh together. Really though, we just can’t stop laughing when we’re together. Everything is just brilliant and hilarious. But we can also have ‘deep’ conversations, too, which I’ve never been able to have with any of my friends before. We’re able to talk about our feelings and ask big questions about the universe. He is my best friend.



OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 2 years ago:
‘Watched The Wonderful World of Disney on TV.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Friday, 26 July 1985

Special Lists

'Beat My Guest' - Adam and the Ants

ANT MUZIK!

‘EVERY DAY’ WANK LIST
15. Gerry Gordon (Flash’s mum)
14. Susan Wheeler
13. Jo (Susan’s step-sister)
12. Sandy Stringer
11. Tia Purdey
10. Hayley Stickles
9. Shelly Watson
(an old girlfriend from Ponty)
8. Joanne Watson (an old girlfriend from Ponty)
7. Erica (my half-cousin)
6. Kerry Stickles
5. Danielle (my half-cousin)
4. Trudy Brown (my half-cousin)
3. Sadie Wolf
2. Teri Stickles
1. Suzanne Young
(Paul’s ex-girlfriend, who I once saw naked in the bath)

‘FAMOUS’ WANK LIST
20. Bo Derek



19. Marilyn Monroe



18. Katy Manning
(Jo Grant in Doctor Who)

15. Sam Fox

14. Janet Fielding
(Tegan Jovanka in Doctor Who)


12. Toyah


11. Oxo Mum

10. Jordan
(punk)

8. Janet Ellis
(from Blue Peter)

6. Nicola Bryant (Peri Brown in Doctor Who)

3. Susanne Freytag
(from Propaganda)

2. Claudia Brücken (from Propaganda)


OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 2 years ago:
‘Saw Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes on TV.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Thursday, 25 July 1985

Slipback

Why can’t I remember EXACTLY what I did today?

[Cos you’re a stupid twat! - Jez (Ritcherd in two years), April ’87]

KATE BUSH!


JORDAN!


Doctor Who was on the radio. Slipback by Eric Saward. It was okay. Actually we found it quite funny in spite of its sincerity.

Went into Ponty with Flash.

[THE DAWN OF 'THE SITUATION'… - Ritcherd, 25th July 1994]

My No.1: ‘Delius’ – Kate Bush


OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 6 years ago:
‘Staying at Paul’s in Nostall. Got Star Wars Weekly 74.’


This time 2 years ago:
‘Birdy and I got the bus to Castleford. I saw my Gran Winterfood on the bandits in Noble’s Amusements. She was shocked to see me. She bought us a cup of tea and a scone. We also visited Louise and Annie in their shops. In the video shop, we saw that Marilyn is in an old porno film on Electric Blue 004 – I must see it!’

This time last year:
‘I got 2000AD 376, with the BRILLIANT Ballad of Halo Jones by Alan Moore and Ian Gibson.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Wednesday, 24 July 1985

Their First Diary Session

Listening to Bill Nelson.


Memories fly back and forth, yet I cannot remember the detailed happenings of today. Then, to you, may I suggest my feelings of The Now?

Emptiness. A yearning, searing bolt of madness in my mind…

Why?

Why are we all strangely romantic inside? Why are we sad? Why are we ‘we’? Should the Universe be discontinued? Should we divide our lives into episodes?

Who am I to answer, or even ask the questions?

I am nothing! I am no one. And no one cares.

LATER:
ACTUALLY, I VISITED FLASH AND WE HAD A ‘DIARY SESSION’, READING OUR DIARIES TO EACH OTHER. THIS WAS TO ENSURE THAT ALL THE THINGS WE WANTED TO CATCH UP ON WERE NOT OMITTED FROM OUR CONVERSATION.

[THESE DIARY SESSIONS CONTINUE TO THIS DAY; AND CONTINUE INTO THE FUTURE THEY SHALL… – Ritcherd, 24th July 1994]

A chinless Jazz Thompson type…

A worried looking skull, with eyes and stubble…


A cross between Logan, Dan Dare and James McDonald Hudson (or whatever he’s called out of Alpha Flight). Whoever he is, he’s wearing a World War II flying jacket…

A big-chinned Brian Braddock type with a superb curly quiff…

Someone who looks like Stan from school, but with cubes and twirls of hair…



OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 2 years ago:
‘Paul took us to see Grandma Jones. I got Return of the Jedi Weekly 6.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Tuesday, 23 July 1985

Any Minute Now I'll Burst Out Crying

At Gran Winterfood’s, Airedale, Castleford, West Yorkshire.

‘Dancing Girls’ – Nik Kershaw


I can feel depression coming on again. I last felt like this about a month ago. It’s a sort of urgent, panicky need to do something … to become part of the world – become one with the plants or something…

This afternoon I went into Castleford. I bought ‘Julia’ by the Eurythmics and ‘White Wedding’ by Billy Idol, both on 7-inch.


I popped into Seymour’s Opticians and saw Gerry Gordon and Annie (at work).

I came home and listened to the tapes I’d made of Live Aid.


I rang home tonight and Giles answered. He says a girl rang up for ME! Me of all people! Yet she wouldn’t disclose her name…

PROPAGANDA released ‘P-Machinery’ today.



‘Gulp!’

A bit later:


You’ll never guess what’s just happened!

Well, Danyel ‘Flash’ Gordon’s just rung! He wants me to go to his house tomorrow, so I shall.

When I finished talking to him, I came back upstairs to find that my pen had inexplicably disappeared – well! What d’you know about that? I eventually found it, vast ages later, in a place I’d already looked about a thousand times! Pen's can be like that. Very Douglas Adams. Weird!

… Yes … even so, the depression seems to be setting in. I don’t know why.

Why?!

Probably because I haven’t had a proper girlfriend since May!

Mind you, so far this year, just to make you pig-sick and jealous, I’ve been ‘involved’ with: Mandy Dell, Jayne Tyler, Charlotte Vine, Eliza Conroy, Kirsty McDonald, Mystery Girl from Crofton, Janet Joy, Chompers, Jo Brownlow, Cally Bell, Carol Ransome, Caz from Barnsley, and Jo. I think that’s everyone – all twelve of them.

As I write this, I’m listening to Howard Jones, singing his greatest record ‘Hide And Seek’. It’s very beautiful, but also very upsetting to me, and I mean it when I say that any minute now I’ll burst out crying.

I’m in that sort of mood. Sometimes I feel like killing myself – but they tell me it would ruin countless relations’ lives.

But, World … deep down I love you.

I LOVE YOU ALL!



Cuboid love hearts…

Captain Britain in various states of stretchy decay…

Creatures, part-man, part-bear…



OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 6 years ago:
‘Mum and George went on their holiday, so me and Jack are staying at Grandma Pritchard’s for a while.’

This time 2 years ago:
‘Mum started her new job – she sells showers for Porpoise in the door of Hillards. I stayed in and listened to my cassette recordings of old Doctor Who episodes.’

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Monday, 22 July 1985

Wishing For Things As They Once Were

‘Absolute’ – Scritti Politti


It was the twenty-second day of July, in the year of our Lord One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty and Five, when t’owd lad woke up (at abart dinner time) and decided ter gu ter Ponty. So he did and he went on a search foh this month’s Penthouse magazine – featuring Madonna, who’t’ t’owd lad is in luv with.

Bur ‘e di’n’t find it.

So he visited his Aunty Vi for a bit!

After this, he went to Danyel ‘Flash’ Gordon’s and they said hello to each other. They went art round Ponty and called fo’t’ t’owd lass known as Birdy. Birdy, being a bit of a ponce, couldn’t cum art!

Birdy had a shitty haircut that made his ears look like they were trying to fly his head off his neck. His mouth… It looked just like it was waiting to be coated in bean juice. He had his brother’s hand-me-down check shirt on. It had a massive collar. His fingers were all long and spindly. He had flary-ish dark blue jeans on and shit puffter trainers.

FLASH & RITCHERD (with a bum-fluff beard): BIRD’S A TERD!

So after striking a dead loss with Birdy, we stormed Arundel’s yard – the one we pissed in a month ago – but Arundel wouldn’t come out. He was probably shocked to find we were sober – a shame really, I’d love a few bevies!

So we visited our Vicky – who got rid of us ‘oh so’ promptly!

Then we tried to storm Aunty Eileen’s so I could show Flash my half-cousins Erica and Danielle who I’m passionately in love with! They weren’t in, and Eileen got rid of us!

So we visited one of my Mum and Dad’s friends from when I was really little – Janet Murphy. We got bored, though, and went.

We returned to Flash’s, shitted about a bit and I came back to Grandma Winterfood’s.

I must add that I borrowed three of Flash’s cassettes: Frankie’s ‘Relax’ and ‘The Power Of Love’ and Bill Nelson’s ‘Cabinet of Dr Caligari’.


Listening to ‘The Power Of Love’, I found myself becoming completely over-run with emotion. It reminded me of when I was going out with Mandy Dell last year.


Actually, it is quite often that certain songs do upset me. They often leave me wishing things were as they once were. Songs like:

'One Small Day' by Ultravox…


'Don Quixote' by Nik Kershaw…

'The Riddle' by Nik Kershaw…


'Love Is A Stranger' by Eurythmics…


and 'Murder Of Love' by Propaganda…



Nite! Nite!

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 5 years ago:
‘I got Doctor Who Weekly 41 and Empire Strikes Back Weekly 126.’


This time 2 years ago:
‘Birdy, Pickle and I recently formed the Unexplained Forces Club. We have been meeting in the outhouse, and sitting at the old, white circular dining table from Paul’s. We talk about UFOs and other strange things. We’ve now created a spin-off with Make-Up. We finished school – no more second year – for six weeks. I watched The A Team.


I also got my school report…

ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE
MARK 65%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 42%
Excellent result so much better than his classwork.

MATHEMATICS
MARK 70% (14th)
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 66%

HISTORY
MARK 50%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 27.2%

METALWORK
MARK 50%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 56%
Very ‘average’ and rather slow. Homework – poor.

WOODWORK
MARK 55%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 44% (Pos. 5th / 18)
Good effort.

FRENCH
MARK 60%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 45%
Well done, Ritcherd! Top mark in the set.

ENGLISH
MARK 66%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 54%
Very good indeed – an able boy.

R.E.
MARK 53.5%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 41.8%
Good. Ritcherd has worked very hard towards the end of the year and prepared well for the exam. Well done.

GEOGRAPHY
MARK 45%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 44.5%
Rather untidy and erratic.

SCIENCE
MARK 41%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 30%
A better than expected result from Ritcherd. With better organization he could do even better.

MUSIC
MARK 40%
AVERAGE MARK IN SET 53%
A disappointing result.

[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

Sunday, 21 July 1985

Seasons Puddings


Fuck Off

Amazing,eh?

Chessboard patterns…

I’m listening to The Sex Pistols.


I woke up two hours before dinnertime.

Louise and Kev arrived for din-dins and we scoffed at about 1.45pm. Seasons Puddings. Cucumber and Onion in vinegar. Good, eh?

After lounging about a bit, I found out that the ‘old’ Eagle’s I had bought were in fact – well, one of them anyway – celebrating a birthday.

The earliest one I’ve got, with Mekonta on the cover (No. 15), is exactly 35 years old today.

I also found out that the original Dan Dare artist – Frank Hampson – died last week, or the week before.

I thought so.

After walking Louise’s dog, Thursday, in the park, I went to my Dad’s and recorded some of his records.

It was here that I received my 54th and 55th records of this year: an Opposition 12-inch…

…and a BILL NELSON single (‘Do You Dream In Colour?’).


NEVER MIND
THE BOLLOCKS


HERE’S

Ritcherd R.W.

And then the lad came home to Grandma’s!

OLD DIARY ENTRIES…

This time 2 years ago:
Top of the Pops was on. I got some info and addresses from a magazine about a Marilyn Monroe play in London.’


[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones/Dyad Productions, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]